4 affairs, do people change?

4 affairs, do people change?

Postby hopeordenial » Sat Sep 06, 2014 10:52 pm

Do people change? My husband is 55 and was caught in his lies and affair while in Central America.
My spouse and I have been married for 32 years. We have lots of fun together. However, when my husband feels lonely in our relationship, he freezes, distances himself, sabatoges us, then seeks escape and ends up in the company of another woman.
He had his first "affair" after we were engaged before we were married. His former girlfriend was too much of a temptation for him.
10 years later, he had an affair with a woman from work- he was caught. We worked through it and I felt he was genuinely sorry and we worked to reconcile our relationship. I recently discovered his most current affair while he was on a vacation which was suppose to be with other guys but ended up being just him alone. During the discovery one of our children revealed knowledge of an affair he had while I was deployed to Iraq for a year.
I see his sincere sorry and desire to work on our marriage. But can I believe him? For the first time, he's seeing a therapist and so am I. If there are issues he can address and learn better behaviors, then I don't want the plans for our future to be lost. However, I don't want to hang around too long hoping, when I really may be in denial. How do I know? Is it possible or realistic to think he'll change or will I be dealing with this again?
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Re: 4 affairs, do people change?

Postby ThunderHorse » Sat Sep 13, 2014 5:56 pm

People do change, but your real question still needs an answer.

What are your plans for the future that you are looking forward to?

The structure of respect in the family may be a further motivating factor for your husband to practice forbearance.

Counseling may help your husband to avoid circumstances of temptation, and more smoothly reject opportunities for intimacy, when they arise.

Is there some opportunity for providing more support to your husband? This is tough, when there are feelings of betrayal.

Last edited by ThunderHorse on Tue Sep 23, 2014 2:26 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: 4 affairs, do people change?

Postby ThunderHorse » Sun Sep 14, 2014 7:02 am

Another consideration is the overall devotion of your husband. Are there other aspects of devotion that you appreciate from your husband?

How much time apart do you anticipate for your future with your husband? What other stress issues do you foresee arising with your husband in the future?

How does the discovery of an affair impact you and your marriage? Your parenting?

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