matthewk wrote: I have used massage in the past (many years hence) as a way to share, to get a massage, and hopefully to stimulate intimacy. It ended up being me massaging all the time and my wife happily receiving, then going to sleep.
My wife is exausted at bed time, not like too receptive.
. I'm just very tired of the rejection,
.guess I'm still a fool to believe anything I could do or be would change her behavior.
Ok, neck massage, before bed...got it.
Perhpas work around rejections.
I get rejected, usually several times, in the sequence of my attempts to create arousal with my wife.
Before I approach my wife with a caress, or muscle squeeze, I plan to get rejected by her. I get rejected if I keep the caress going too long, too early. So I anticipate the timeing of her eventual rejection, and I break off, before I reach the point of time when she will push me awy, or say "Stop"
Maybe start building excitement in the hours before she goes to bed tired. Can ou give her pubic mound a short caress?
If your wife will accept a massage, as she is coming to bed to go to sleep, then I would say you are at first base. The question is how do you get to second base?
You do not mention releasing endorphins through gently squeezing large muscles, and releasing your squeeze, after a few seconds.
You can use oile based lubricants, such as baby oil for massages of the back and muscles. Most women do not have enough natural lubrication for the clitoris. I use three stages of water based lubes. First is a heavy consistency, that provides a smooth protective base, protecting againt abrasion of the sensitieve skin areas. Next is a medium consistency, to keep things lubed. and thridly, I use a light lube, the allows faster movements and 1/4 inch to 1/16 Inch circles.
I put the lube on my belly first, t warm up the lube, then rub my fingers on my belly, to warm up the lube, and then I put my fingers along the outer edges, working my way into the interior, more sesitive crevices.
I rarely get rejcted with my wife's feet, after getting to first base with massage of her alluvial canals by the spine. I can use the soles of her feet to put them anywhere, and I can change positions, and gain stimulation for myself.
You do not mention any improvement you can make in allowing your wife to vent. How many minutes did you give today? I missed several opportunities to offer to listen to my wife yesterday. It is imortant to have an open line of communication skills, and being ready to listent to what you don't want to hear.
You seem oreinted toward having your wife give you pleasure. You do not seem to be looking for how you can give your wife pleasure, and build her excitement, and build excitement together.
There are discussions and articles on the internet of foreplay strategies, that are probably more sphisticated than my ideas. Have you searched for an affordable sex therapist near you, whom you could visit by yourself, and get some more ideas of how to make more progress, working around your wife's rejections?
Many women are not interested in sex, until they have received several stages of arousal by a partner.
Maybe think of rejections as an opportunity for a break, allowing you to day dream fantasies for a few minutes. Also you may receive ideas of what area of your wife's muscles structure would be most receptive to your next caress.
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