now what??should i leave?.

Beautiful Life!!

Postby SARINIA » Tue Apr 17, 2007 10:14 am

Well after sooo long, what can i say??that i am as happy as i could ever be!! not because my situation got better, but i am free!!! finally got to break away from all that pain that was holding me really bad! not more tears, actually i havent cried for a loooong while and it feels good, i have lost now 31 kilos and have guys asking me out everyweek! is good to feel alive again, but this didnt come with out a price and many months of pain as well. Is great to have the support of family and friends, but mainly you! think what you really want and as much as it hurt mean to leave some things behind, the future gets better. I live with my son now and my mum, i even have better things and a great car, as i settled on the house already and divorce papers almost through..exhubby not very happy but honestly what did he expected honestly??????? nah had enough of his games, even to this day he still seeing the woman i contacted before i left, a person here rightly told me not to be naive and not think they were seeing each other while still i was at home and had contacted the woman to speak and say that her "friendship " with my ex was affecting my marriage..she just didnt care either, both such liers and cheaters, she even has gone to visit what used to be my house but i dont care anymore!! i have met a wonderful man that worship the ground i walk on and has see me through the wonderful and decent person i am ...and well i am not a resentful person and now even i get along with ex, for kid's sake but is alright no more arguments or blaming, i have left that so behind i dont even remember some things that had happenede until i remembered i wrote somethings in here, like sort of diary!!
So just to let know if some women going through the same, dont give up!! go and live your own life instead of getting bitter with someone that IS NEVER gonna change.... :D
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Location: sydney. Australia

Postby SARINIA » Tue Apr 17, 2007 10:24 am

tlescak wrote:Sarinia-

As you said "I need to love ME too". Nothing could be more true.

People make a HUGE mistake by thinking that someone that they marry will "make them happy." True happiness comes from within, it can come from nowhere else. You can't depend on other people for your happiness. It must come from inside of you. The beautiful thing is that once you are happy, you have the power to make others around you happy. But someone who is unhappy cannot make anyone else happy.

Your husband does not sound like a happy person. And as a result he is making you unhappy.

Thanks Tlescak you are sooo right about all you said..i am a happy person to be around people say that makes them feel good about themselves because i show such positive attitude despite what happended to me,but as i said not easy at all, it depends all in you and the big effort it takes to be the person you would love each morning you see in the mirror, I LOVE ME NOW..Cheers
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Joined: Sun Feb 05, 2006 2:30 pm
Location: sydney. Australia


Postby SARINIA » Mon Jun 01, 2009 6:33 am

hm i forgot for a while i had posted something like this and reading it back over and over i find hard to believe i had such a life, i have matured totally and wised up , more sceptical and never to settle for second best, and finally led me to a better life, i have grown as a person and found an incredible man ( english by the way, totally awesome) He loves me so unconditionally and treats me soo well, the way we all deserve and knows all about me i am being totally honest because this time i am not holding back on something that doesnt feel right. We all deserve happy times and sometimes being alone can be a bit hard to enjoy life but if you keep positive strong thoughts and everyday think about it all what you think is good will happen to you.

Just stopping by and to say Thank God for my new life and the people around me, my past is an experience part of life but definately made me mature in a way.

Posts: 10
Joined: Sun Feb 05, 2006 2:30 pm
Location: sydney. Australia

Re: now what??should i leave?.

Postby stefannie12 » Tue Nov 19, 2013 3:45 pm

As I understand, you have been married for ten years and have one child of your own and one step-child from your husband’s affair. Is this correct? Now that you’ve got the responsibility of both children it is a constant reminder of the affair and your husband has grown very distant. He is very combative and seems very sensitive to anything you say or ask for (which is not much).
This seems to me as an act of aggression, which I have learned from my Social Psychology professor Dr. Misiurski, comes in many forms. The type of aggression that your husband seems to be expressing is either a form of “displacement”-where aggression is redirected to a target other than the main source of the frustration. Aggression increases when frustration is unexpected. Another thing that your husband is expressing is the perception of “relative deprivation”- the feeling that one has less than one deserves. You said he seems angry at you and takes out anger on you for no reason and whatever you do just doesn't seem to be enough.
Perhaps try to consider both sides of the argument. Maybe your husband is acting distant for a reason and has an anger towards a work-related issue or with a friend and doesn't want to bother you with what he may think is a “stupid” problem, because he knows how hard you work with/for those kids. As far as the “friend” in his phone, stop contacting her for it is only going to drive you crazy. She says they are only friends and he is not ready to come out with it. Perhaps create an ultimatum? Because it is not fair to you to just sit back and do all the work while he is being secretive and on top of that, angry towards YOU. I think in this situation, there needs to be a lot more communication and then the two of you can discuss a solution (if there is one) to rebuilding this marriage.
The main issue besides communication and distance in this situation seems to be the initial problem of cheating. Personally I do not think I could forgive my husband/boyfriend for cheating. Even if he was the kindest, most honest and loving man I have ever met and it was “just one time” by mistake. I don’t think we could have the same intimacy we once had. I would only think of that one woman and I would wonder if you were thinking of her too. Wishing I were her instead. It’s very upsetting and I think you did well trying to see if the hurt would pass, trying to stick it out for your kids and your happiness but I do understand and support your reasoning for leaving. Hope you’re doing well now.
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