Married 4 years and loving it however......

[davnlyn]

Dear All;
Lynne and I have been married 4 years now and we have a GREAT and loving relationship. We are both on our 4 each and feel after dating that we now know what we DON'T WANT in a relationship. We stopped looking for what we wanted and then it happened...WE MET!

I have some questions which we are sometimes at odds about and would greatly appreciate if anybody out there would be so kind as to offer either advise or answers to Please this is open to both men and women:

1) Lynne wants to hang with the girls once or twice a month and even at her age does the "SLUMBER PARTY" thing. I have no problems with this except there is one member even though very married and it is her turn decides she wants to hold the "LOOSEY-GOOSEY" slumber party beconning to the days when they were all single????? This is the kind of situation that invites trouble and problems.

2) My wife has on many occasions asked me and sometimes to the point of insistence, why I do not "HANG WITH GUYS" or participate in "GUYS NIGHT OUT". My answer is always the same: I am a guy and I know what that denotes. From days of old and when I was a single guy this meant hanging out and skirt chasing. Unfortunately it seems that it still means the same even after these men say " I DO"! I have been asked many times to go out with the guys and I choose not to because I have gone out with them and after a few drinks this is what the evening is all about.....I HAVE MY SKIRT AT HOME. Why is it that MEN cannot see this as my strong point and not my weakness?

3) This question is more for the men here however I also welcome insight from the Ladies. Why is it that MEN always feel when they are out (even if married) that they have the right to approach a table full of ladies and introduce themselves and after being told that they are all married and NOT interested these men insist on coming back over and over and hitting on the Ladies? I was out with my wife one evening and 2 of our very married Lady friends and I left the table for about fifteen minutes to take a business phone call. When I returned there were 2 guys hitting on the ladies including my wife. This was even after they had been told that these ladies were all married and not interested. Why is it that men feel that every women out there is for their personal entertainment and enjoyment EVEN after they have been told to back off? and even if these men are married? Whatever happened to RESPECT?

4) Why is it that when a woman says HI to a man even in Business that the first thought the man has is to take her to bed however when a man says HI it is always for business. When will men grow up and realize that women are humans and have feelings and are NOT just objects?

I am sorry however these are sometimes points of our discussions and Lynne is always telling me that she can take care of herself in any situation because she is 20 years US Navy Retired. What does that have to do with anything?

Any help or understanding would be greatly appreciated on these topics and we welcome suggestions and ideas from both men and women.

Thanks,
Dave and Lynne

[psychclass101]

Hello David and Lynne,
I have read your post and see that you have a few questions that I would be happy to give my opinions on. The first question that you raised was in requards to Lynnes slumber party. You raised a concern over an individual who when hosting the overnight at her house tends to want to go back to their single days. I have to ask this to David, do you trust your wife? What does Lynne say in reguards to your concerns?
I look at these concerns and have to say that it can come down to an issue of trust but also communication. It seems as though with this situation and the next question you had reguarding mens night out is that there may be some insecurities and they need to be talked out in order to resolve the tension. One of the things that both parties need to realize is you are not longer single and you have to think of the other persons feelings. According to my professor, Dr Cara, she stated that in general men are not usually expressive in their feelings and I know from my point of view, being a women, we need for men to express what is going on before we realize how it is really affecting them. It is actually healthy for men and women to have personal time to themselves but there should be boundaries to what is acceptable to both parties.
I would have to recommend that the two of you sit down and discuss the nights out. I think it is important to have a guys night, maybe it can be around a constructive activity like bowling. Everybody needs a night now on their own to socialize with friends. Another idea is to get a group of married couples and go out together to help with socializing. I think that is is good that you are able to externilize your feelings on this David and I think that both of you are good at trusting the other person and that is good because trust is a very important part of any marriage.