DrScott.com

This is my first time to post something on a site but here goes. My wife and I have been married almost 24 years. We have 4 kids (4 to 14) and up a couple of years ago I thought we had a good marriage. In the past couple of years she has demonstrated changes in basic values that I thought she and I shared. She insists on wearing more revealing clothing, skimpy bikini's, and more flirtatious behavior behavior with other men in my presence or other wise. When I comment on her behavior she becomes enraged and says I am trying to control her. She told me she no longer loves me and is only staying with me because of the kids. She has sense told me she loves me but she has not wanted to change behavior. I love her dearly and I am struggling to know what to do next. Many friends, both her's, mine, and ours, have all told me that they do not understand why she has made such a change. I continue to tell her how beautiful she is, how much I love her, and try to make special time for her so she will be the absolute focus of all my attention. I know I have my share of faults and need to continue to improve in areas, which I readily admit to her, but how do I cope with the feelings of betrayal? I am open to all feedback. Just a guy who wants to make our marriage work.

Sounds like she is going through the women's version of a mid-life crisis. If you are willing to 'wait it out', your marriage can survive.

As for the feelings of betrayal, that only comes with time. AND, it likely won't begin until she stops her current behavior.

Divorcebusters.com is a great website, as is the book. As well, Dr. Scott's book is superb, as well. They both helped me get through my husband's mlc. More importantly, they helped ME grow as a wife, and person in my own right.

I'm sorry you are going through this. It can be a living he**, I know!

I think my husband is going through some sort of mid-life crisis on top of difficulties we have had in the past. I get the feeling from him that he doubts he will ever be happy with me and isn't sure he wants to work on the marriage. Maybe he is thinking that now that he is successful and has money (after years of struggling with him to help him with his education and job changes) he can find someone new and better. Isn't that what all men in a mid-life crisis think? I am really trying to change my behavior and have not seen very much difference in his behavior. I don't know how long I can go on feeling like I am the only one willing to work on the relationship. Any insight from men who have gone through this "mid-life crisis?"

In what ways are you trying to change your behavior?

What has he asked you to change?

What do you think he really want you to change?

Do you have people who can give you more prespectives on feedback?

Do you think it may be from lack of attention on your part?

If you have daughters, could it be that she misses being a teenager and wants to dress younger to feel younger?