Hi Timothy,
You and your wife have been together for nine years and married for three of them, you love her so much and you both have acted out fantasies in the bedroom. Roughly a year and a half ago, she had made a comment after intercourse regarding her desire for the two of you to try out the swinging lifestyle. After time, the comments have become more frequent, she engages in watching a television show “Swingers” and these actions have prompted you to express your thoughts of betrayal, humiliation and sickening images of your wife with another man. Do I understand this information accurately?
As Dr. Haltzman’s blog states,
The No. 1 secret of happy couples is the ability to recognize that your partner has needs different than yours. Rather than judge that partner, or try to change him or her, happy partners accept those differences and strive to find ways to make their partners happy…The reason so many couples fail to recognize or acknowledge this secret is because society has reinforced for us our "right" to be happy, and when episodes of discontent impose themselves on the marriage…
(http://drhaltzman.blogspot.com/, Chicago Marriage Examiner directly after “the top ten reasons why marriages rock”).
It appears that your wife wants to explore new things with you; she may be feeling upset because she wants to share her desires and/or act out her sexual fantasies with you. Has she specifically stated that she has the intention of sleeping with other men even if you do not want to sleep with other women? Perhaps she would like to swing with you and a woman. I am assuming that she has not acted upon these desires, is this correct?
If my assumption is correct, try to ask her why she has such a strong yearning to swing with you. Her answer may surprise you. You should also calmly state why her new “obsession” is making you have feelings of betrayal. Perhaps watching more adult videos or visiting gentlemen’s club (if she does in fact want to bring a woman into your sex life) could be a happy medium for the two of you. Let me know how you make out with this situation; like I said, you may be happily surprised.
Sincerely,
LexiRose