Interesting 21st century problem

[SteveTheTech]

Hi Everyone,

I am new here and I am in need of some help, I am hoping you can give me another point of view on something. I'm a happily married man in my mid twenty's and i have a small problem and I was hoping I could get some advice here. My wife has recently has taken up playing an online real-life RPG, well there is no issue with online social networking I am all for it. My issue is with what I have observed recently, I have on at least two separate occasions I have seen her digital character having digital sex with another male character. Now is it wrong if I am hurt by this? When confronted my dear wife said that there was nothing going on but she could not remember what exactly was said ( I did bring this up two days later). After the most recent incident I brought it up right after I caught a glimpse of what was going on and was informed it was nothing. Later that night while I was sitting in bed unable to sleep I got up to grab something to drink and my curiosity got the best of me and I opened her account to see exactly what I expected to see. With that said what is the appropriate reaction, I really want to put an end to this but I .... lets say am not too good with the confrontation, and she is a very strong willed type A law student. This has been eating at me for a few days now and I know that I have been lied to repeatedly. Oh and we also me on the internet a long time ago so that is really adding to my frustration. Thanks in advance.javascript:emoticon(':?')

[ThunderHorse]

Jealousy:

Jeoulusy is part of Love. A spouse should be considerate ot the jealous feelings of another spouse. You should be able to share your feelings of jealousy, at an approptiate point in time. When you are feeling upset, is probably not the ideal time to discuss the issues.

Prepare a phrase upon which you can close the subject gracefully, without winning. Something like, I would apprecite it if you could tone down the computer involvement, and find ways for us to crank up our satiations.

Chapter 6, Expect
Conflict and deal with it.

There are a number of different types of lies.

Spouses sometimes find themselves in unseemly situations, and rather than try an honest explanation, the shortcut of a lie or fabrication is often easier and harmless. Considerate lies.

There may be a situation like an Alcoholic, who is addicted, and lies and hides liquor. YHour wife may be addicted to this exciting game, or habituate, or gung ho, so she does not want to interrupted or explain her illogical obsession. Lying to cover an obsession.

You seem more blaming your wife, rather than acknowledging your own illogical obsession, Her.

You don't seem to acknowledge the illogical side of Love, Jealousy, as a legitimate feeling or concern..

It sounds like you have not worked out ground rules for handling each of your different feelings of jealousy.

Your computer inconsiderations may be quite different from yoru wife's.

You might explain to your wife, that on the computer is OK, but you want honesty, or else you are going to be feeling there is more, and start snoolping.

Snooping is bad for relationships. Snooping indicates a lack of understanding of trust issues.

Women generally cheat less than men. So you could decide to just enjoy your wife, and not worry about cyber or other affairs.

Focus on what you want, and ask for more of what you want, if you feel you are getting short changed.

What is on your desires list?

Are you fulfilling your wife's peak time of arousal desires? What time is her peak arousal time on which days? How are you adjusting your habits and availability to give maximal satiation?










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[SteveTheTech]

Thank you for the well thought out response to my question. I do agree with you that the ground rules had not been previously established regaurding this issue but this is a new one to our marriage. We have been dating since we were teenagers (high school sweetheats), and I had had some online issues in the very distant past. Am I alone on the thought that once you get married the rules change somewhat? I will completely admit that I am jealous I dont want a strange man talking intimately with my wife. I have also been told it would be weird if I were to play the game which I find frustrating on a different level, it's aparantly not something we can do together, despite there being in excess of two million people online at any given time. The digital sex is one issue but the emotional contact that seems to have developed between the two people over the last several months is really what I find disconcerning. We spoke about this on saturaday night, I told her that I dont want to deprive her of her game but I am really uncomfortable with the romantic aspect of her activities. Her response to me was that nothing is happening and that she loves me, and there is no proof of anything shady. Why am i not content with that? My gut feeling tells me otherwise. I have never really been the jealous type and snooping on her computer is something I am ashamed to admit, but I cannot get a straight answer, or an answer that will suit me, I would much rather her just admit it and we can deal with it. She is back to playing the game regularly again and spent the better portion of last night engaged in a deep conversation with this guy.I have the software for this game on my computer and I looked up this other guys profile and he says that he is totally in love with her character and they have many digital pictures of the two of them in virtual places,odd. My plan at this time is to wait until I see something that I disagree with than I am going to bring it up on the spot (as calmly as possible) and want to see whats on the screen and chat window, and based off that I will request that she remove the game from her computer. I know that this is not the correct way to deal with this its just killing me I cannot sleep some nights, wondering if my wife is having an emotional affair with an internet stranger.

[ThunderHorse]

I would add, that asking to see the screen and the game, can be made in a calm, logical tone and manner.

I would encourage you to be ready for a rejection of sharing the game info.

You don't really want to see the details, you just want her to stop.

So my vison of the confratnation, is, "Well if you don't want to show me the details of the game, then I respect that, but I ask that you dleete the game from the computer."

What about cutting back on the game time? What else can yo do together?

I still have not seen yhour wish list, o\r what you have agreed to deny hyourself, on her behalf. What she \has blocked for you, that yo sould like released.

Honey if you have time to spend on theat game, then I am sure you won't mind XXX videos on the TV. Something to trade up for her time on the game. Make it work for you. Do you gewt your favorite positions?

Are you aware of hte steps toward arousal? Chapter 9 Men's Secrets book. How do they work for your wife? HOw can you broden her arousal and satiation?

Do you have a roller trigger point wheel for massage? When she is on her computer, start massaging her, just short spirts at first, repsec her privacy on the screen, but make your invitation clear.

Use the game as a step in the arousal process. After she is on for 15 minutes, go start advancing the sequence of arousal.

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