Caught Mastrubating - Can I fix it

[Jock]

My wife recently picked up a hotel bill where I had looked at a Blue Movie, them all hell let loose. I've always been a bit of wanker,s he now thinks I'm at it every miunte of every day!

Threating to throw me out, counselling made it owrse, yesterday, now I need help to resotre her self confidence in everything and me.

Got three kids and a wife I care baout and don't want to loose..

[ThunderHorse]

Prevents Cancer

5 times a week ejaculation is found to perevent prostate cancer.

Link:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/3072021.stm


Wikipedia on Cancer

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prostate_c ... assessment


Your chances of getting Prostate cancer are about 2% a year in your 20's and goes up as you get older.

http://md.gehealthcare.com/patient/radg ... sheet.html

If she loved you, she would have packed a Playboy magazine for you.

Chapter 9 of the Men's Secrets book gives some ideas of how to talk to yhour wife about sex. Her mother and her girl friends are quite likely pretending that masturbation does not exist. Take her to counseling so a professional can give her the truth about masturbation.

Here is Wikpedia on the prevalence of male masturbation.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Masturbation




..

[elizacol]

While what Thunderhorse said is true....

if you want a woman's perspective, here one is:

Some women view their spouse's watching pornography as
a form of cheating. Is that, perhaps, why your wife is so angry?

I know that before I viewed porn with my H, I used to feel inferior when
I found out he had done so without me....I couldn't begin to compare to the women on those movies. It made me angry that he would resort to that, when he had me (or if he were out of town, why he couldn't just wait until he got home, after all, I was at home, waiting for him!).

Many years later, and many conversations later, I think we've come to undertand one another. Men and women are so different. Trying to understand those differences is hard enough! Accepting them is a whole 'nother ball game.

Get to the bottom of why your wife is so angry, first of all. Is it because she feels inferior? Does she feel it is a form of cheating? What?

Then, reassure her in whatever ways she needs (see conversation above).

And, for the time being, lay off the movies. Part of marriage is respecting each other's feelings. Granted, she needs to do the same in return, but I'm only addressing what your post was about.

[ThunderHorse]

Dear Elizacol,

Thanks for your relevant perspectives.

[stacy]

Does your wife claim to never masturbate herself?
I think it's silly to get upset over something like this!

[PamKrist]

Has your wife been taught that masturbation is a sin?

I watch pornography with my husband, and have bought him Playboy and Hustler magazines. I like to look at them as well. It does not bother me if my husband masturbates.

That being said, it has irritated me on occasion when I have been feeling neglected by him sexually that he is masturbating instead of including me.

Is it possible you've been neglecting her needs when she is wanting to have sex with you and instead you're busy yanking? Is it possible she's irritated because there's been some tension between the two of you and instead of working on it to bring each other closer, you're turning to the porn instead?

The fact that it happened while you were away makes me say it's really not a big deal. But if you're sitting on the computer every night looking at porn and leaving her lonely in bed, it would be a problem.

I just want to add for your wife's sake that my view of it may be skewed as my husband has a penchant for prostitutes, and that masturbating seems mild to me.

[MrsBridges]

It'd be different if you had taken another woman to a hotel room.. but order porn? Isn't that what you're supposed to do at a hotel? As long as you don't neglect her to watch it, it shouldn't be a big deal.

Explain to your wife that masturbation is a natural thing to do. I don't think telling her that it will keep you from getting prostate cancer will do much good. But explain that every once in a while, a guy needs some "time to himself." It doesn't mean that you love her any less.

You definately need to throw out some compliments to make her feel better. The women in movies/magazines are beautiful, of course, but that's just about it. (Sure, they're people too, but people don't consume pornography to get to know those women!) I'm assuming you married your wife because she is sweet, charming, smart, etc. Remind her of what made you fall in love with her to begin with.

[Daniel Bradley]

Hi Jock:

You don't say what your wife's reasons are for objecting to you viewing pronography or discovering your masturbation habits. It would be helpful to know this in order to give a better context to the answer. But here are some things to consider even without knowing your wife's reasons for objecting.

How does viewing pornography, especially when it involves others enaged in sexually (no longer) intimate acts, contribute to the strengthening of your marriage, the deepening of intimacy in your relationship with your wife? How does looking at other people's (not-so) intimate acts help you relate better to your wife? If your answer is that it has a negative effect, why continue? If your answer is that it has no effect - neither negative nor positive - then why waste your time on something that doesn't help your relationship grow and mature? If your answer is that it helps it, explain how.

Why does she not feel comfortable with your porn viewing and your masturbation? Can you state her reasons accurately (to her satisfaction), and do you respect her thoughts and feelings about the subject? If it matters to her, why does it not matter to you? And if there is a difference in values here how can you resolve the difference to your mutual satisfaction? Porn and masturbation don't seem to be a win-win for you two.

If you get the Corona commercial and why the woman is offended by her partner looking at other women in bikinis walking down the beach, do you not get how your wife might object to your viewing porn and presumably masturbating as you do so?

What would it say to your children about how you feel about your wife if they knew that you viewed porn? Would it increase their respect for her? for you?

There are also questions of social justice involved in pornography. Keep it in the arena of personal choice, and it "seems harmless" to many. The personal toll, however, is very high on those who are "employed" in the porn industry. Do you want to benefit from someone else's exploitation - aware/unaware, consenting/unwilling/unwitting? Like it or not what happens in your marriage relationship has an effect on those with whom you interact.

All the best in your relationship with your wife Jock.