by ThunderHorse » Sat Nov 08, 2008 7:12 am
One way to view the issues you bring up is termed "Swinging". There are websites devoted to the concepts of swinging. Search Swinging. Thre are prinicples involved in being considerate to each other, in swinging, that are provided in Frequently Asked Questions, and Helpful Hints.
Many marriages end in divorce. Not all marraiges that have incidents of swinging end in divorce. But Swinging puts a special strain on the marriage. So you need to have a marriage that can handle swinging. The Swinging boards deal witht he problems of swinging, but are in denial that marriages have problems. If amarriage has a problem, they feel you should not be swinging.
Your husband seems like he wants to keep swinging secret. Secrets are more and more difficutl to keep with electronic tracking of all sorts. Cell Phones, credit cards, car navigation, etc. Security clearances are being required for more and more types of jobs. Background checks for even routine types of jobs are getting more extensive. So Swinging, for your marraige, means carrying out a clandestine operation, and keeping it secret for eternity?
Do you plan to have children? Do you plan to tell your children about your swinging? What if your firends, relatives or children find out? How much blame and conflict will arise if one of you slips, and someone else figures out you are swingers?
Watching, and enjoying, Gay porn is one thing, conducting a swinging bisexual life style is something more involved. The strong feelings of some of the public makes going public a challenge, with risks. Starting swinging with the idea of keeping it secret seems a little self-delusional. If you are going to swing, you should more realisticly plan on what you are going to say to friends, family and co-workers, when they find out.
If you plan to have children, and you have a son, do you plan to tell your son that you are swingers, when he is a teenager? Your husband might be better able to counsel your future son, "Yes son, it is normal to have ideas of attraction to other guys in some circumstances. It is best to just put aside those feelings, because you will want to have a reputation of being a Heterosexual guy. Most people will trust you if you are openly heterosexual. If you try to keep secrets, or try experiments, some people will be less trusting of you. I try to bring honor to our family, and the reputation of our family. Families have reputations. I try to give our family a good reputation, and I would appreciate your efforts to withstand temptations that might bring question or dishonor to our family."
So those are some reasons to give your husband guidance to understand his temptation, but to pass on that, like refusing a drink offered too soon after the last drink. Tell your husband to pick up a strap-on at the Gimmicks store. Some DVD stores have a Strap-On section, if you need some ideas.
If you are questioning it, then post back if you need some more reasons to pass it up, or if you othnerwise need more support.
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