bi-curious husband

[bubbly123]

My husband of 7 months recently told me that he is curious to be intimate with another male. He assured me that He was in love with me and loved everything about me. We have an amazing sex life together. He also told me that i can be as involved or un-involved as i would like, but if i did not agree to it then he would not pursue it. I am not sure what to make of this. I do not know if i could go through with it or not, i admit, i love watching porn, and two males together turns me on, as well as two females, but i have no desire to be with another female. he says it is just a curiousity, and somthing he has been thinking about for some time now. Before we were married he admitted to me that at one time he questionned his sexuality, but assured me that he was not gay. He also said he dont know if he could actually go through with this. He also said no other females need to be involved, it was going to be a one time thing with someone far away from our hometown, who we did not know. and the decision must be mutual.

I am not in any way trying to make excuses for him, but as a child he was sexually molested by a male. i am not for or against it, i just dont know about it. I am more afraid of the whole outcome of the situation than anything else.

Is it normal to be curious, or should i be worried about this situation??

[ThunderHorse]

One way to view the issues you bring up is termed "Swinging". There are websites devoted to the concepts of swinging. Search Swinging. Thre are prinicples involved in being considerate to each other, in swinging, that are provided in Frequently Asked Questions, and Helpful Hints.

Many marriages end in divorce. Not all marraiges that have incidents of swinging end in divorce. But Swinging puts a special strain on the marriage. So you need to have a marriage that can handle swinging. The Swinging boards deal witht he problems of swinging, but are in denial that marriages have problems. If amarriage has a problem, they feel you should not be swinging.

Your husband seems like he wants to keep swinging secret. Secrets are more and more difficutl to keep with electronic tracking of all sorts. Cell Phones, credit cards, car navigation, etc. Security clearances are being required for more and more types of jobs. Background checks for even routine types of jobs are getting more extensive. So Swinging, for your marraige, means carrying out a clandestine operation, and keeping it secret for eternity?

Do you plan to have children? Do you plan to tell your children about your swinging? What if your firends, relatives or children find out? How much blame and conflict will arise if one of you slips, and someone else figures out you are swingers?

Watching, and enjoying, Gay porn is one thing, conducting a swinging bisexual life style is something more involved. The strong feelings of some of the public makes going public a challenge, with risks. Starting swinging with the idea of keeping it secret seems a little self-delusional. If you are going to swing, you should more realisticly plan on what you are going to say to friends, family and co-workers, when they find out.

If you plan to have children, and you have a son, do you plan to tell your son that you are swingers, when he is a teenager? Your husband might be better able to counsel your future son, "Yes son, it is normal to have ideas of attraction to other guys in some circumstances. It is best to just put aside those feelings, because you will want to have a reputation of being a Heterosexual guy. Most people will trust you if you are openly heterosexual. If you try to keep secrets, or try experiments, some people will be less trusting of you. I try to bring honor to our family, and the reputation of our family. Families have reputations. I try to give our family a good reputation, and I would appreciate your efforts to withstand temptations that might bring question or dishonor to our family."

So those are some reasons to give your husband guidance to understand his temptation, but to pass on that, like refusing a drink offered too soon after the last drink. Tell your husband to pick up a strap-on at the Gimmicks store. Some DVD stores have a Strap-On section, if you need some ideas.

If you are questioning it, then post back if you need some more reasons to pass it up, or if you othnerwise need more support.







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[Scott Haltzman]

You said you were married for only 7 months. How long were dating before you married?

[ThunderHorse]

Another thing you could say is, "Honey I want to be faithful to you. There are unknown diseases and unplanned pregnancies, and complications from abortions, and I just think it is simpler to just be faithful, as best we can. Let us look for more ways we can be true to each other. Passing up this fantasy is one way to be more faithful to each other. Let me know how I can help you act out the fantasy for ourselves. I want you to share your fantasies with me, and let us try to fulfill each of your fantasies, various ways, best we can. How about I put on a dress shirt and one of your ties?"


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