Wife was kissed by another man and now she is asking things

[daveharvey83]

The back story is a couple of days ago my wife admitted to me that she was kissed and felt up by a guy friend at work. This guy is married and rather unhappy in his marriage or so I understand it. They talk alot and she has problems with me no satisfying her emotionally. She tells me that this is all that happened and that it wouldn't happen again. Now I was scared at this point. I have been 100% faithful to her and out family and then to here of this. It makes me very sad, not that she did this but that maybe I was the cause of it. Honestly it depresses me. She was talking to me last night and then asked me how would I feel about wife swapping with him and his wife. I'm not sure how to take this. I love my wife dearly but this makes me extremely uncomfortable. I'm not sure that this would help out relationship. I worried about it wreaking it and whats left of his marriage. She admits to having feelings about this man and she finds him very attractive. I'm worried that this is the beginnings of something very bad. To add to all of this mess I'm getting ready to deploy to Iraq early next year. I'm in the Army and I will be gone for a year or longer. We have been married for 5 years now and I thought everything was going ok.

Any advise or comments would be welcome. I just need another perspective.

Thanks all.

[PamKrist]

Dave, I'm sorry you're going through this. I know how painful it is. Don't let her get away with dumping all the guilt on you for not satisfying her emotionally. She chose to let some guy kiss her and feel her up, when instead she could have talked to you about it and asked you for what she needed. What she did was wrong and she should apologize for it.

The part about swinging, I think she's just doing that to alleviate her guilt because she wants to take things further with this guy. If this is not something that you wanted to do before she cheated, I would say it's not for you. I certainly wouldn't do it to try to hold on to her. I think swinging is a very difficult thing to pull off even when it's purely sexual and there are no feelings involved. Your wife has already admitted she has feelings for Mr. Friendly-hands. I think it will only cause you more pain.

My suggestion would be to ask her to go to counseling with you, and quick. Tell her how much you love her and that you will do your best to give her everything she needs.

I really feel for you because this is the last thing you need to deal with before taking off to Iraq. It's hard enough for a man who has a loving supportive wife at home. Take care.

[Sparrow_echo]

I have a story that is some what like yours. my wife of 3 years just told me two days ago that she had kissed her ex boyfriend back three mounts ago.

I was working 12 hrs a day 5 days a week and she said she needed to "feel wanted". Now I was completly obsessed with my new career and dove into it with every fiber of my being.

Am i to blame for this? No! She was the one who had no problem spending $300-400 a week on chick crap. She just wanted to have her cake and eat it too.

All n all, I think it is going to be ok because, I invited the guy to a bar last night and i guess the dumb "guy" didn't know that i knew cuz he went. I convenced him to never talk to my wife again.

Maybe you and this guy with the hands should have some one on one guy time. No fighting, just let him know how far you will go to keep your wife, and then let him decide if he wants to back off.