Husband and his female friend

[lost-n-confused]

I am new to the forum ... and I need some direction. My husband and I have been together for almost 10 years. we have had some problems in the past but have always managed to work thru them. But now ... I am afraid I am losing my husband to his "friend" from work. She is 16 years younger then him and has a boyfriend. They actually come over to our house on the weekends and hangout, but it's starting to bother me the way my husband shows her some much attention. They talk at work, she will call him when he gets home from work and they talk for 30 or more minutes and then they get on IM and chat the rest of the night. I have asked him to cool it a bit and he tells me that I am just being jealous. He tells me that they are just good friends and that nothing is going on between them. He did admit to being emotionally attached to her, but that he feels more like an older brother, like he had to watch out for her. He also said he likes having someone to vent to besides me. The last couple of times her and her boyfriend have come over, I can't help but have an attitude the whole time. It's the little things he does that really gets to me, like getting her a cup of coffee without asking if I want anything or her asking him to crack her back because he hasn't done it in awhile. The other day, she came over by herself and the two of them hang out in the basement the whole time. I of course was fixing dinner and taking care of our daughter so I couldn't hang out with them. And if I tell him these things bother me, he gets defensive and turns it on me saying I am being the crazy insecure wife. He has even told her that it bothers me they talk so much, but he will "handle" it and not to worry. I admit that I have never really gotten along with woman to much in my past, I have always hang out with the boys, but I have tried to be friends with her and it's just not happening. She is always nice to me, but kinda in that overly nice way if you know what I mean. In fact, he just left our house to go find her because he called her house and her boyfriend told him she took off. My H thinks she went to her ex-boyfriends house and he said he wanted to go get her before she messes up her current relationship. He told me he wouldn't go if I told him not too, but being the doormat I am, I said "I'm not going to tell you want to do" and he left. I just don't get why he had such a thing for her. And i don't know how to tell him how I feel without pushing him more towards her.

[BushBabie]

I'm sorry that you are enduring this much disrespect. I think that male and female relationships muddy the waters especially for married people. I would not tolerate his closeness and attachment to this women. He has shifted his focus from your marriage to this young women which is not acceptable. You are not crazy and although you might be jealous, you are entitled to feel this way. You have earned the right to have an opinion about his interactions with women. I would not trust her and I would insist on him minimizing and eventually phasing out they're friendship. Not to completely say that men and women can't be friends but she needs to find an unmarried man to befriend, NOT YOUR HUSBAND. Hope this helps.

[toomuchtoloose]

I am dealing with the same problem. A soulmate from the past has emerged. Apparently they dated for a few months....40 years ago. Now, it is in my face. We both left our spouses to be with one another and I am feeling very insecure about this. He wants me to embrace this as this woman is saving our marriage.

[ThunderHorse]

Set aside a time to talk about the issue, and ask him to cut back.

"I may be overly sensive, but I would appreciate your making me feel better by spending less time with her."