Can someone help me?

[Serenity13]

I am new here and at the end of my rope (this may be long)...I have been married for 19 years...Like all married couples we have had some problems along the way however not cheating (that I know of)...I have always trusted my husband but now I am not so sure...From day 1 of our dating, his ex-girlfriend has always come into the picture somehow someway...Up until 4 years ago I had to put up with the calls, emails, texts etc every so often and he finally went and saw her to get closure...Fine moving along...Once that trust was broke, I had a very hard time getting it back and I still don't trust him 100% of the time...Enter Face Book (which I am sure was invented by the devil himself) and a whole new set of problems are now cropping up...He has all these friends he used to go to school with - Fine - We all have a past I am not dumb. So he has a new friend - a female - She is married has a child and lives out of state...Well he gave his cell number to numerous people on FB and she was one of them - I can still deal - They have known each other since they were 5 (I asked his Mom) - Now a couple calls...Some texts saying what's up...How you doing etc...Fine...Then no calls unless I am not home or I am sleeping...No texts unless I am not there or I am sleeping..Perfect point - Last night between midnight and 2:50 am - 100 texts passed back and forth between the 2 of them. He doesn't text me 100 times a month! If I call him on it he swears he is doing nothing wrong and they are just friends - Of course he erases all the texts before I could see them. He goes to bed early then spends half the night on the phone texting her and thinks I am paranoid...He says once I get back on my medication (I am bipolar and without meds) then I can see with a clear head...His Mom said no way no how do I have anything to be worried about where the other girl is concerned and even got onto him about all the time he spends on the phone texting her...If I say anything he kinda laughs like I am crazy or we fight...I am now starting to question my sanity...I understand I am not that secure nor do I have good self esteem of myself and I am working on it...I get jealous however in my mind it is being disrespectful. I will not allow a 19 year marriage to end (unless he wants that) over some texts and phone calls but I don't know how to get him to see it doesn't look so innocent to me. Thank you for your time.

[Scott Haltzman]

I have to laugh when you say that facebook is invented by the devil, I think it's only second to text messaging.
Many many of the couples that I see are now finding their lives interrupted by the pernicious effects of texting.
You're right on the money when it comes to the things to look for--if not for sexual affairs, then for emotional affairs.

See the article: http://www.hitchedmag.com/article.php?id=306

In my experience, in order for people to begin to work on their relationships, all communication with attractive others must stop. Even if you are being paranoid, it's still how you feel and you're looking for him to show respect for your feelings. The real questions is: Who is more important--a friend from elementary school or a spouse.

You've got an uphill battle in front of you!

Remember: Comments by Dr. Haltzman are not intended to reflect medical opinion, advice or recommendations. They are observations intended to generate discussion on this forum.