i dont know what to do

[findmyself]

My wife and I have been married for 11 years. She's recently told me that she hasn't been happy years, we've been having problems financially and romanticly. I have been depressed for a little while and I seem to be getting worse. Whenever I try to talk to her about our problems she gets upset and tells me that she doesn't want to talk about it anymore.
She has a job where she communicates with coworkers a lot by. Acellphone and texting. They do spend a lot of time together in the office and they go out for drinks sometimes. Now I don't have a problem with. I know she's going to have friends. She used to invite out with them but now she doesn't, and gets uptight if I ask to tag along. I have a feeling that she is seeing one of the male friends/coworker. She is very protective of her cell phone.
The other night they went to Atlantic City to celebrate a friends birthday and the plans were to stay overnight. She told me there were multiple rooms reserved, but I went in phone and found that was only one room reserved. It crushed me, however, the plans changed and they didn't stay over. My gut is telling me something is going on, how do I find out, I can't afford to hire anyone. What do I do.

[Scott Haltzman]

Private relationships with people outside the marriage can be signs of infidelty. But this post (and the other one that was submitted the same day) point to basic relationship issues.
The first think to keep in mind is that a woman needs to feel that she is the most important thing in your life. Even if you suffer from a depression, the logic of it doesn't affect her underlying needs.
Years of feeling like she's not important can lead to drifting apart from you. That sounds like one reason why she might be shying away from a re-commitment ceremony or a "honeymoon."
There are certain things that a man must do to be the husband he wants to be: learn to listen, aim to please, and making his marriage a priority (Incidently, these are all in the book.) Unless she knows that you're by her side come hell or high water, she may not be ready to give up any relationships outside the marriage.

Please note: Comments by Scott Haltzman are not intended to reflect medical opinion, therapy or advice, rather they serve as observations to help foster thought and discussion.