Only been with one wife....agghh curiosity

Only been with one wife....agghh curiosity

Postby findoutguy » Thu Dec 17, 2009 12:46 pm

I've only ever sexually been with one wife. I often find myself wondering what it's like to be with a different woman. If it is better....or worse. I'm completely happy and satisfied with our intimacy...and she does everything I fantasize about....but this curiosity is always there. Just looking for thoughts on this or someone who can sympathize.
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Postby ThunderHorse » Thu Dec 17, 2009 6:29 pm

There is a pop song in which the lady singer rejoices that she can see her man's Halo, aparently meaning that he has been faithful.

There is enough drama in the news about golf player's affairs, that is makes me glad I have not been taking chances of getting embarassed.

There is a web site for considrate philandering. There is a book that recommends married people not dating anyone closer than 50 Miles from the marital abode.

I personally enjoy the power I feel when I look at my wife, knowing that I have been true, and I feel more free to ask for what I want.

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sorta answered my question

Postby findoutguy » Sat Dec 19, 2009 8:09 am

I guess for us its somewhat mutual...I haven't actually talked straight with her about it either. she's never been with another person sexually I wonder if she ever thinks about that too....i'm sure this is the case. In the past when we are "sexting" we've talked about having a third person during a hypothetical encounter....and we talk about what that person would be doing etc. For me though i'm not or wouldn't be too worried about this encounter as long as I though it was the right person...she seems a bit more insecure, however i'm not surprised by this. I would not cheat on her but I would like to remedy this. should we go forward.. I mean like I said...things are pretty hot already. we talk about toys etc. there really isn't a boundary between her and I. does this help clear it up any? This isn't just for me..
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Postby bakergirltt » Wed Dec 22, 2010 3:09 pm

Hi findoutguy

My husband was a virgin when we got married. I don't know if he "wondered" what it would be like to be with another woman alot, but the bottom line is that he did have an affair, after 7 years of marriage.

What I want to tell you is how it affected him. He is still consumed by so much guilt and shame. It almost crippled him and our sex life faded into nothingness. He says it took him years to recover from it and even today his infidelity has far-reaching consequences in our marriage.

He never believed I would find out, indeed I didn't for about 12 years, but the truth finally came out. There's an old saying "What's done in the dark will come to the light", its roots are actually biblical, but I'm sure you've heard "what does around , comes around"

Your curiosity about other women can lead you down a very dangerous and life-altering path. Unless you are prepared to take the consequences of this, and you really need to think about what those are, you could end up in a very desolate place.

You say that you believe your wife is considering this herself, remember that for most people, fantasies are about things they know they would never do in real life.. that's what makes them so powerful, the forbidden entity etc. Perhaps you need to discuss your wife's feelings and desires with her and feel her out before you present her with yours. I'm sure you wouldn't want her to do anything because she felt she had to in order to please you.

Hope this helps
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Re: Only been with one wife....agghh curiosity

Postby crazylove » Wed Dec 07, 2011 12:03 am

Curiosity is very normal, many people are curious about experiencing new and different thing, but one thing is being curious and the other is playing with fire, you mention that you are completely happy and satisfied with your intimacy with your wife, so why risk something so perfect for just a simple curiosity, now is not wrong that you are curious but as I say take in account all of the things that could happen if you pursue this curiosity.

Now I am not sure how your wife will feel about you being sexual with another women but , take in consideration that if you do anything sexual with another women and you wife finds out , I can almost assure you that she will not be happy, according to the adjustment in the 21st century “the vast majority of people 91% in our society believe that extramarital sex is “always or almost always wrong”.

So why risk a good relationship with a curiosity , you are not the first men to get marry as a verging, do not take from grated all of the good quality’s your relationship has , lastly this will live you thinking approximately 20 % of all divorces are caused by infidelity.
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Re: Only been with one wife....agghh curiosity

Postby Ladybug66 » Sun Nov 03, 2013 12:19 pm

My ex-husband and I started dating at 18 and he was my only sexual partner, had been with other woman. Throughout our marriage of 25 years I felt that same feeling, what would it be like with someone else? We had an awesome sex life full of spontaneity, variation and fun. I knew that I would never act on my feelings because I knew it would destroy something wonderful that we had between each other. Unfortunately he strayed one night after 27 years together and thought the grass was greener on the other side only to find out that what he had was the best thing ever. He left out of embarrassment for what he did to me and never came back. Since then, I have been with a few men and miss so much what he and I had. No one knew me like he did. It will take a life time to learn someone else and for that person to learn me. It's not all about the sex, it's about the connection between two people that make the sex. I've had some one night stands that I could say were pretty fun, but nothing will ever compare to the depths that our sex took us to because of that deep understanding of one another. He destroyed me and what we had all for one fleeting orgasm. Think really deep into what you would loose by wanting something that is not what you already have. If you are satisfied with each other then count your blessings because there are so many people out there looking for what you already have and trying to avoid what you are thinking.
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Re: Only been with one wife....agghh curiosity

Postby psychstudent101 » Wed Nov 13, 2013 1:27 pm


So you are having some temptations? New ideas are peaking your curiosity. Does this mean you have done something wrong? No.....well not yet hopefully.
Everyone becomes curious, its natural. Temptation follows everyone around. What you have to do is recognize what you have BEFORE you lose it. Most people don't realize how happy they were until after they have already lost. Temptation is normal, but marriage is about resisting temptation and staying loyal.

It is very normal for one to be curious about experiencing different things. Being curious is not immoral. But, you have to remember that by "trying new things," you are jeopardizing the happy, loving connection and relationship that you already have. Finding someone who makes you happy, who you are compatible with, and sexually satisfies your needs is not easy! Once you find someone like that, you already hit the jackpot. "Trying new things" may be different and peak your curiosity, but I don't believe you will find anything better than what you already have at the moment. Sex with someone else will satisfy your instant gratification, but it will hurt you and your significant other in the long run.

A good way to help stop temptations and lessen your curiosity, would be to take some helpful advice from Dr. Haltzman. My Psychology Professor informed us on many thoughts, views and tips of Dr. Haltzman. Dr. Haltzman says, "It is okay to have opposite sex friends, as long as they're friends of the marriage." What this means is basically that if you find yourself hanging around with females that you consider "trying new things" with, you should probably put some space between the two of you. Also, you made a commitment to your wife, therefor if she feels that one of your lady friends is threatening the marriage, then you should be understanding. This will help in your situation because if you lay low from any females who oppose or threaten your relationship, you wont be as tempted. This will also keep your wife happy if she knows that your female friends are also friends of her.

You may always be curious, but you have to ask yourself, "is it really worth it?" If you already have great sex, why bother looking. You may jeopardize your marriage with one or two girls who don't even satisfy you the way that your wife does. I think you should just fight the temptations and stay loyal to your wife. Be lucky to have someone who loves and understands you; dont throw it all the way for mediocracy.
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