Emotional attachment to another married man
Posted: Wed Nov 17, 2010 2:48 am
My wife and I have been together for over 19 yrs. 6 dating and 13 married. She said at some point that she was unhappy and tried to tell me this many times. But I just didn’t listen. We tried many times through different ways to have a child since 2005. We did ivf which did nothing and then finally adopted a daughter. Then again we wanted to try again this time we did an embryo adoption in May that didn’t take. After sugurey that should have helped us to have this embryo take but didn’t. We then started another regular adoption in June and then Nov 11 decided to stop the adoption. Here is some history on how we got where we are at now. MY wife and I were in a youth group at church as teenagers. She liked another guy bob in that group. He liked to spend time with her. They would talk for hours after he took her home after church. Then I started to come to the church. He liked for another girl Lisa and started to chase her. My wife began to like me and we started to go out. When I was not able to be with her this other guy bob would hang out with her and go to the movies and spend time together. I worked at a summer camp at the time and was not around. Well at some point they were both over at our youth leader’s house for a sleep over where Lisa’s mother was the youth leader and bob stayed there due to being without a place to stay and my wife and bob made out. She told me and I forgave her this was back in 92 just a year after we started dating. Well another time she tried to get me to fight for her love and stared to hang out with a guy at her Doug work. This ended and she stayed with me. But she said I didn’t fight for her. Well this guy bob she made out with cheated on his girlfriend Lisa at the time with another woman and she for gave him. Bob and my wife kissed just before his wedding day with his wife lisa. Then in 97 I got married to my wife and we seemed to be happy until trying to have a child. She has said that I did seem to care while we were going through trying many ways to have a child and then finally adopting our daughter. After our daughter we have grown apart. This is where she said she tried to tell me may times how she felt and I just didn’t care. She did ask to go to a marriage consoler and I didn’t think we needed it. I finally went last year to a marriage seminar and she said that she seen a difference in me and we were working on getting better. Well getting up to date we in may worked on our adoption again. Well in june we decided to go to a camp reunion and meet our friends. Bob was there and Lisa was there. We talked just fine. After that my wife and bob talked again telling each other of the issues in their marriages. She got to like him again and he said he liked her just never told her when he was younger. Now he is ready to divorce his wife and go after mine. She has let him come to the house when I was at work to talk and I finally confronted them at the house one night. He left and she said that he wouldn’t come back again at night when I was not there. I stared to see a consoler in august and After sometime in early September she said she was to stay with me and try to work things out for use to stay together. I stopped seeing the consoler. I asked her to go see the consoler and she didn’t want to. I asked her to stop talking to bob before we went on vacation to just be us and she agreed. Well now after we went on vacation in October and she decided to see the consoler October 26. We have gone weekly to the consoler. She also said she talked to bob while on vacation and still is daily. Bob also has cheated again on his wife sense being married when they invited another couple into their house that needed a place to stay for 6 weeks. Even after his encounter the couple stayed for a month at their house. I told my wife I didn’t trust him. She said she talked to him about that issue. She wants out of our marriage and doesn’t care anymore. I wanted to work on this sense august when I found out what was going on. She said she tried to see if her love came back for me but it was there at times one night then in the morning nothing. She now says she loves bob and wants to get a divorce. She said it took only once kiss from him to get her feelings back that she really was a woman and felt good. I know after talking to her I have let her down but not this bad to leave for someone else. She wouldn’t have tolerated this from me if the roles were reversed. I can’t believe she wants to give up our relationship after years. She wanted me to know how she feels and now she said it’s too late to do anything she is burn out on me and she just wants him and what he can give her. She wants to talk to me on our process for the divorce, but I can’t. She even said that she has tied to keep bob out of this and she can’t. is there any hope left.