I'm the mistress

[UNKNOWN7]

I'm 20 years old and have been seeing a 40 year old married man for about 8 months now.

When we first started talking he didn't disclose that he was married just, that his kids mother and him were no longer together.

I had a feeling he was lying to me and after about a month I asked him if his wife and him were still together. Then he reveiled the truth saying they were in the process of getting a divorce and she became very ill with a brain disease. He claims she's disabled in a wheel chair and that she shakes really bad and can't do a lot of day to day things like normal people. He claims he hasn't left her because his kids and that if he left the children would no longer respect him, also he just can't see himself leaving her because of her illness.

I've tried leaving him and he always manages to tell things that make me stay and that I feel a void in his life that his wife can't. Not just that but he basically does whatever I ask of him and doesn't give me issues, so that makes it harder to leave.

Right now we're not on speaking terms because, I explained to him that I'm tired of coming second to everything he has going on. He's always has stuff to do with his kids or its just something. I feel that I have an emotional attatchment to him because this is only the second person I've had sex with. Everyday I continue to feel bad for my actions but find it hard to detatch myself from him and the situation in general.

[ThunderHorse]

Thanks for posting.

Perhaps posting can be therapeutic for you, and help you see, or evaluate, your options.

It seems that you have not found a means by which to confirm the truth of the information he is providing you at this time.

Is it important for you to know he is telling you the truth now?

What are his plans if you become pregnant?

What do you plan to tell him the next time he calls?

Are ther any internet matching and dating services that seem logical to you?



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[socialdistortion]

Dear UNKNOWN7,

He is telling you that his wife has a brain disease? OK, let’s assume he is telling the complete truth. That makes him a man who is cheating on his disabled wife while is suffers from brain disease. He says he can’t see himself leaving her because of her illness and his children might not respect him? (sounds like a sociopath).

Now, let’s say he is telling the complete truth. His wife is disabled with brain disease. So he is seeking solace in having a sexual relationship with a 20 year old? (sounds like a sociopath). You also say that you tried to leave him but that he always manages to tell you things that make you stay? (sounds like a sociopath).

If I were in your shoes, I would ask him to explain to me the exact brain disease his wife has been diagnosed with. What is the prognosis? Is it treatable? When were the onset of the symptoms? What medications is she currently on? What are the side effects of the medications? Who is her neurologist? Is the condition inherited? Whenever families are touched by illness, they become armchair experts in the illness. Write down everything he says and then google it. See if he if telling the truth.

I completely understand that you feel emotionally attached to this man and it is making it difficult for you to walk away. That must be really hard for you! It is going to be difficult to walk away from someone you care about. I suggest you try to see this more objectively. He is in a committed relationship with someone else and there are children involved. He lied to you from the beginning and it is unclear if he is still lying to you. You say that you are currently not on speaking terms, maybe this is best. Have you told your story to your close friends? What do they say?

Good luck with this one,

Social Distortion

[ThunderHorse]

When we first started talking he didn't disclose that he was married just, that his kids mother and him were no longer together.

There are different types of extra-marital affairs. Some affairs may start out one way, and then evlove to something deeper.


Is he saying that his wife is expected to expire soon, and that he wants you to be ready to take over for his children?

Or is he saying that his wife is not near death, but is uncooperative, and he is trying to spare her agony, through his relations with you?

There are a number of issues that you could discuss with a lawyer, in terms of protecting yourself, in terms of trusts, powers of attorney and wills. If he is not just playing you, he might be able to display his sincerity to your lawyer.



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[UNKNOWN7]

Dear ThunderHorse,

Posting my very personal information is therapeautic for me but, it really hasn't helped me come up with a conclusion my issue.

He has showed me pictures of his in a wheel chair, explained her disease to me in detail, and I saw a text message in his phone with her asking him to take her somewhere. Why would she asks him to take her somewhere if she couldn't go herself?

I've went threw his phone numerous amounts of times on random occasions and only once found something that angered me. His wife text him he loved her and he texted her back the same. Later we spoke about it and he said that he loved her because that was the mother to his two children and he's known her since his mid 20's but that he wasn't IN love with her. I explained to him though that I wouldn't tell my ex I loved him unless I was IN love with him.

I feel it is important to see if he is telling the truth. It's annoying me, and I have this gut feeling that he tells me what he wants me to know and it not TELLING me the full truth.

I asked him about me getting pregnant and would he tell his kids and, he said he would. That was the end of the conversation.

No I don't there are not any internet matching and dating services that seem logical to me.

Thanks for posting.

Perhaps posting can be therapeutic for you, and help you see, or evaluate, your options.

It seems that you have not found a means by which to confirm the truth of the information he is providing you at this time.

Is it important for you to know he is telling you the truth now?

What are his plans if you become pregnant?

What do you plan to tell him the next time he calls?

Are ther any internet matching and dating services that seem logical to you?



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[ThunderHorse]

Dear ThunderHorse,

I feel it is important to see if he is telling the truth. It's annoying me, and I have this gut feeling that he tells me what he wants me to know and it not TELLING me the full truth.

There are different reasons to color the truth. It seems that your man is trying to be considerate of his invalid wife and under-age children. Telling lies to avoid hurting people's feelings, is usually not evil.

It is true that a habit of telling lies can sometimes be carried too far, and you may want to set limits on how far the lies can go.

Being discreet means keeping secrets, and sometimes lies are required to protect secrets.

It seems that your man is very fortunate to have found you, because you seem capable of understanding his needs for disretion, yet his need for friendship.

Your character may be the ideal dream of many married men.

I wish you were working for the intelligence service of my home country, as I am sure you would be an asset to any intelligence service.





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[TheLoveLee1]

DeJa Vu

I dated for 7 months a Married man who I trusted with everything only to find out that he was married with 3 children and to whom he pushed off for the comfort of my personality, sex, and companionship.
5 months into our relationship I found out one day when he and I were out on the town and one of their mutual friends asked “how is your Wife?”

I being a lady waited until we returned to the condo that he paid for my family to live in and paid for every expense and did anything I asked him to do including paying off my BMW.

When asked he told me that his wife was terminally ill and have been for over a year now and that he couldn’t bare being with her in the condition that she was in and that she gave him the ok to live his life because she was dying.

Not knowing anything about her he showed me prescriptions that I researched pain killers and one in particular that stayed with me was Termdor(unsure of spelling) I seen pictures of a very frail and ill woman read emails from a woman that basically said live.

When I asked if I’ll ever meet his children? he said at the right time, will I meet your family (only meeting a brother and his wife)? at the right time. I trusted the man that I was falling in love with the man that was providing for my family and that I loved.

Well things started changing and the children needed him more than normal, he had to assist her more with doctor visits and all this happen after the truth came out and he seen that I was staying.

So what I did was wisen up! I use the internet like it was my Best friend. I 1st took a mental note of her name and googled her looked for FB pages address anything I could find. I then looked Him up I ran check $2 on him look up marriage license and Everything I could.

To my discovery I found a marriage license (not the same name as the woman from the scrips), address (different from his house) cross ref her and found her on a social site in which I befriended her secretly just to view her pictures and to see what type of person I was dealing with.

The only thing I did was made my profile picture to OUR picture and On a picture she posted I commented that’s a beautiful dress and She came with questions for days and as a women we talked I explained everything

This man not only lied about his status but his family and his wife’s condition Yes there was a woman that was ill and had I believe brain cancer was indeed living in a hospice but that woman was his mother. The emails came from what I guess he made up. He was indeed married to a beautiful woman that was raising his 3 children and had no idea that her husband was out making a living with another woman and I Opened her eyes to the many lies that he brought to her over the last 7 months about being off on business, working late, money disappearing ect.

With HER help I walked away from it all even before she brought it to his attention or he could ask questions we came up with an excuse and I told him that my Gma was ill and I needed to be by her side he put money in my account that would hold me for a few months and I disappeared never contacting him again!

I cried went crazy and lost a lot behind my discovery but I gained even more MYSELF pride, a piece of mind and NO MORE CHILDREN!

So my advice to you is to look him up and find out all you can on this man DON’T take his word for it and DON’T tell him what you're doing until it’s DONE because he will either leave and make you feel like it’s your fault he’s leaving or he will talk you out of it and try to stick you with a baby! NEVER come 2nd to anyone sweetheart I been here before so I can never place judgment however I will say wise up for your safety and security! I'm not saying go talk to his wife that was my personal preference BUT do find out everything you need to know.

Last but not least Dont let this situation have you 2nd guessing yourself and take yourself through an emotional spree. It was not your fault and you can change the situation IF you want to . Good Luck

[ThunderHorse]

Last but not least Dont let this situation have you 2nd guessing yourself and take yourself through an emotional spree. It was not your fault and you can change the situation IF you want to . Good Luck

This post is excellent, well beyond my capabilities for analytical questions and concepts. Thanks for picking up my slack.



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[Scott Haltzman]

Thank you LoveLee,
I'm so sorry you had to learn the hard way, I hope you story can help spare other people your pain.

Scott