My husband and I have been married for almost 9 years now. We have a beautiful 2 year old daughter and I thought life was really good. We have had the sort of relationship that has been effortless. We are best friends and spend all of our time together (which I know isn't right, but works for us). This is going to sound silly, but just recently we purchased smart phones. So, we have access to text messaging now. When we got our first bill, I noticed there were some phone numbers that I didn't recognize (44 texts), so I confronted my husband about them. He said it was a female co-worker of his, Kate. Now my husband works in a hospital and our daughter goes to the doctor in which Kate is the receptionist for, so I have met her several times for checkups. I knew that my husband knew her, but I wasn't aware of their close friendship. He had mentioned months before that the 3 of us should get together because I would really like her..we have so much in common. Well, when I saw the list of texts on my phone bill, I was outraged...so I started snooping on his phone. I had only seen a few of the texts...one of which was something like "oh, i dressed cute for you today". So, in my anger, I confronted him. He said it was all said jokingly and that they were only friends. As the conversation went further, I learned that they had gone to lunch, but only twice. This is all information that he had neglected to say to me when it was happening. They have known each other for 5 years now...so who knows when their lunches were.
The past couple of months have been off and on. We have had several conversations/arguements about her. At one point we discussed divorce, which was the furthest thing from my mind, but apparently not so hard for him. I have made changes in the bedroom. I hadn't been a very sexual person for a few years, so I wanted to change that. I have put a lot of effort into making things go well, but he still insists on being such good friends with Kate. I even invited her over for dinner one night. It was interesting. I was so proud of myself for making such a huge step. I told my husband that i would give a friendship with her a chance, which I have. To me, she isn't interested in a friendship with me..she's content with my husband.
So, to sum this up...I got nosey again today and snooped on his phone (which I can't tell him because I promised I wouldn't do it again..I just feel like something is going on and I don't want to be the idiot..I'm going with my gut). He sent a text to her earlier this morning saying that he couldn't meet her for lunch today. I obviously can't confront him. When I read the text, my heart started beating through my chest and I did (maybe) a stupid thing. I sent Kate a text saying that I needed to talk to her confidentially. I haven't heard back, so I'm sure she is waiting to tell my husband tomorrow at work. I guess I just wanted to see how much he is lieing to me. How long do i stay in a relationship that he is done with? I knot this is long, but it keeps me up at night. The silly situation has consummed me and I just want it to all stop
![Sad :-(](./images/smilies/icon_sad.gif)