Disturbing cell phone texts and pictures

Disturbing cell phone texts and pictures

Postby joanne99 » Fri Sep 02, 2011 5:50 am

Recently I went through an old cell phone of my husband's, making sure there was nothing important, before we gave the phone to my little brother, I found a couple things that disturbed me. First, I found a picture that our mutual best friend sent him of one of his "friends" in her underwear. And then I found a text my husband sent to this same friend pointing out some "hotties". I understand that this friend is single, but I was really upset to read that text and see that picture. My husband acted like I was wrong for being upset. He said he cannot control what his friends text to him and I understand that, but why didn't he delete it. Am I wrong for being upset...it has been several days and I am still upset over it...everytime I think about it I get an upset stomach...
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Joined: Thu Sep 01, 2011 9:32 pm

Re: Disturbing cell phone texts and pictures

Postby sherilyn » Tue Nov 27, 2012 8:45 am

So you went through your husband’s phone to make sure it was suitable for your little brother, correct? While searching through the phone you found some upsetting images and texts and your husband is acting like you are the one who did something wrong from what I understand. While there is nothing wrong with your mutual friend texting him, the content of those texts is definitely not appropriate.

David G Meyers, the author of “Social Psychology” explains that to maintain a close relationship, equity, self-disclosure and attachment are needed. According to the book, “equity means what you get is what you put in,” self-disclosure means “revealing intimate aspects of oneself to others,” and attachment is “trust and intimacy.” These three qualities are necessary for two people to stay close over long periods of time.

In your case, self-disclosure is needed. Your husband should have told you when he received the texts, or showed them to you. This way they would not have came as a surprise to you and you wouldn’t be so hurt or think he hid them from you. It is the same with attachment. If you trusted each other more, it would be easier to understand what is going on in such situations.

If you really wish for him to stop accepting such texts, talk to him. Explain to him that the pictures and texts make you uncomfortable, especially the fact that he never deleted them. Offer him suggestions such as to ask the sender to no longer send such texts to his phone, because he is happily married. If he continues to get the texts, ask him to not take part in them by ignoring them or simply deleting them and not replying. Additionally, make sure you do not offend him either. Talk about the situation with him and tell him how you honestly feel. Maybe if you take a few minutes to sit down and actually discuss the problem, things will work out for the better.
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Re: Disturbing cell phone texts and pictures

Postby dmd12345 » Mon Dec 03, 2012 11:22 pm

So your problem seems to be hidden under cell phone texts and pictures. Am I correct you were cleaning out his phone to make it suitable for your brother? While cleaning out his phone you found texts and imaging that you were disturbed by. When you confronted him about the picture he acted like you are the one who did something wrong right? You should have asked him the full story instead of just blaming him for having the pictures on his phone.

In my textbook there is something called the fundamental attribution error.Hockenbury the writer of discovering psychology says the fundamental attribution error is “the tendency to attribute the behavior of others before seeing the whole picture of something”. I believe in this case you wanted to blame your husband for the pictures and texts but was it really his fault.

In this case you should have asked you husband how the pictures were on the phone. He told you that his single friend sent the texts and pictures to him. His friend probably did sent him the pictures and text so it not all his fault. However, your husband should have showed them to you or either deleted them from the phone. Yes, it is ok to be mad at him for not showing the pictures or telling you about them. You cannot be mad at him from them because it was not recently sent to him.

The advice I am going to give is to sit down and talk to your husband about these pictures. If you are really uncomfortable about them tell him it is not ok to receive these texts. One thing you can tell your husband is to ask his friend to stop sending the messages and pictures to his phone because he is married. If the texts messages continued you can just simply tell you husband to delete them or not response to them. Maybe by not responding to them his friend may stop sending them to him. Good luck and don’t blame your husband when it might not be his fault.
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