by sherilyn » Tue Nov 27, 2012 8:45 am
So you went through your husband’s phone to make sure it was suitable for your little brother, correct? While searching through the phone you found some upsetting images and texts and your husband is acting like you are the one who did something wrong from what I understand. While there is nothing wrong with your mutual friend texting him, the content of those texts is definitely not appropriate.
David G Meyers, the author of “Social Psychology” explains that to maintain a close relationship, equity, self-disclosure and attachment are needed. According to the book, “equity means what you get is what you put in,” self-disclosure means “revealing intimate aspects of oneself to others,” and attachment is “trust and intimacy.” These three qualities are necessary for two people to stay close over long periods of time.
In your case, self-disclosure is needed. Your husband should have told you when he received the texts, or showed them to you. This way they would not have came as a surprise to you and you wouldn’t be so hurt or think he hid them from you. It is the same with attachment. If you trusted each other more, it would be easier to understand what is going on in such situations.
If you really wish for him to stop accepting such texts, talk to him. Explain to him that the pictures and texts make you uncomfortable, especially the fact that he never deleted them. Offer him suggestions such as to ask the sender to no longer send such texts to his phone, because he is happily married. If he continues to get the texts, ask him to not take part in them by ignoring them or simply deleting them and not replying. Additionally, make sure you do not offend him either. Talk about the situation with him and tell him how you honestly feel. Maybe if you take a few minutes to sit down and actually discuss the problem, things will work out for the better.