Pretty sure my relationship is doomed. What can i do.

[Slinky8527]

Well for a little background information.

Me and my partner have been together for 6 years we have 3 children together and are in our late 20s. I believe she cheated on me and would like some opinions about it.

Well to start, i hate technology now. Facebook has ruined my relationship. My partner about 6 months ago accepted a friend request from a guy whom she said was her friends older brother. Less than 5 seconds later he messaged here back apologizing for hurting her a long time ago. No problem with what he said, but there is a problem that she lied about him. Especially since they dated 6 years before i even knew her.

Eventually i found out that for 3 months she was talking to him on a regular basis. She would tell him about our relationship and what was troubling her. I consider that an emotional affair. Yet that is the easiest part of this to deal with. A month after finding out she was talking to him regularly, i seen her texting on her phone and smiling and giggling. I didnt say anything about it but waited until she slept and checked her messages. I found messages saying she wanted to go to sleep with him that night and that she wanted to have sex with him.


That tore me apart. We talked about it and decided that we both had to change things to be happy with each other. I did my best and changed or stopped alot of things that bothered her. To this day she hasnt changed whatsoever. She still talks to this guy all the time. She hangs out with him. And when i told her it bothered me and it hurt me alot she dumped me!!.


Her reason is she needs time to "find herself". What does that even mean? We have 3 kids together and i just feel she treats me soo bad. She ignores me when i try to talk to her about anything, it doesnt matter the subject. She doesnt talk to me about anything that hurts me but yet says she knows she was wrong. I dont know about other people but if i feel im wrong i would talk to you if it hurt you. She doesnt see it that way, she just doesnt wanna hear it. Well anyways, we seperated 3 days ago and yet still talking to this guy that i know she has feelings for and wont admit.


She's telling me that i should let her go and let her have some space to feel better about our relationship. I understand that but at the same time im so scared she's going to have a relationship that goes beyond friendship with the guy that irks me to my very core. If she actually talked to me id feel better. basically im certain she will be unfaithful but at the same time tell me to wait for her...

What do you think i should do. I am still young so i could wait or move on and be fine just emotionally torn. I feel like she's my air, my sun, everything to me. And ive always been family oriented. Its killing me to split up my kids. I just want my family back. But at the same time ive been hurt alot by things she does and the things i see.

Please help me.

Confused by love

[MrMarriedMan]

Hello, after reading your situation and examining it careful I may be able to give you helpful tools or advice in saving your marriage.Its seems as if your biggest concern is that your wife will turn her “emotional affair” into something much more serious such as infidelity. You stated that they hang out but are you sure she hasn't already been unfaithful?

I know it is extremely hard to imagine some of the horrible things that your partner would be doing. But the fact is you cant be in denial about it either. My professor, Dr. Ski stated that the main motives for in fidelty are as followed:
–Dissatisfaction with a relationship or anger toward a partner.
–Boredom.
–Need to confirm that one is still desirable.
–Strong attraction to another person.
After reading the above do you think that she feels any of these way towards you? If yes that could be the reason the reason your partner wants to be unfaithful to you and its your job to confront her about that.
In conclusion my opinion on this topic is the mere fact of the feeling of power. It seems as though she has all tangled up in love. Knowing this very well because i was in the situation once before. Your partner thinks she has control over you and your emotions therefore you must stand your ground and not give in. Though it may be hard and painful you must give her that space and if she loves you she will realize it and will more then likely be back in your arms. It is important not to bug her or bother her. Let her make the first move in communicating with you. Good luck and I wish you the best.

[understand224]

Dear, Mr. Confused by Love

I understand that your long time girlfriend of 6 years has been talking to another guy in what you called an “emotional affair”. You also saw a text message on her phone saying that she wanted “ to go to sleep with him that night” and have “ sex with him”. when you tried to talk to her about it she did not want to hear it. You tried to change for her but she didn’t want to change for you. You also said that you have three children with her and you are in your late 20s. How old are you kids? How was your relationship before your wife went on face book .
In my psychology class the teacher said that communication is one of the most important aspects of a relationship. Good communication enhances satisfaction in relationship and, poor communication is a major cause of relationship break ups. In my class we also talk about infidelity is one of the biggest deal breakers in relationships. They say it is one of the things that people need to walk away from.
I think that you should just walk away from the relationship. I understand that it will be hard because you have been with her for so long and that you have children together . You desire to be happy in your life, and obviously she is not willing to work on the relationship. Why should you put all that afford in making the relationship work, when she is not. A relationship should work both ways. It sounds like she hasn’t been completely honest with you about this other man and their past relationship. Its hard to build a relationship on dishonesty.