My husbands old friend

[armywife25]

My husband and I have known eachother for almost 10 years and we're about to reach our first anneversary. My husband has always had female friends and I've only had a problem with one because she tried to turn us against eachother and we talked it out well and got it resolved quickly by coming to the mutual decision to cutting her out of our lives.

He has also had this other female friend for almost as long as he's known me. I didn't have a problem with her at all untill I saw that she called him "babe". Although it bothered me I shrugged it off as just something that you might just accidentally call a friend. Then one day I noticed that she called him before he left for work one morning (5:30 a.m.) and he said he had to go but would text her through the day. She then called him right after he got home for just a few minutes they texted all night and then she called him again right before we went to bed and he walked out of the room. What could they have to talk about that I can't hear? He's never done this before.

I had tried to talk to him about it but he gets deffensive and just tells me I should trust him which isn't what happened when he had a problem with the other friend. I then talked to my sister in law about this and she told this girl to just please stop talking to my husband. My husbands friend then got very upset that this had been requested of her and went on a huge rant to my husband asking why. To which my husbands reply was "Do you want to have sex with me?" and she said "No, if that were going to happen it would have happened 5 years ago." They then went on with the conversation like nothing had happened.

I'm not a jelous person I just don't understand why the two of them are acting this way. If there's nothing going on then why is my husband so defensive, and why are they all of a sudden talking so much?

Please help me. If it's no big deal then I can leave it alone but if not I need to know how to deal with it.

[Mr.G]

My dear Army wife. Your question concerns me. “ If it’s no big deal then I can leave it alone?? “. It is a big deal! No spouse should be behaving like that. It is wrong and disrespectful.

You explanation to this matter is very clear, unfortunately so clear that he is most likely cheating on you. I am a male who has done those terrible things and there are patterns to be recognized. Even if by any miracle he has not had sexual intercourse yet, at least emotional affair is in process. Being defensive means he clearly has something to hide. If a person is not doing anything wrong, there is no need to hide anything or be defensive. Personally I would suggest reading a book about paralanguage “ the body language “. The reason for that is that majority of liars give them self up with “ non verbal “ expressions.

Liars also “ say less, tell les-compelling stories, make more negative impression, are more tense, and include less unusual content in their stories than truth tellers do”. Be aware of your husband’s behavior, when you ask him irritating questions that he gets defensive about. Put him on the spot and demand to talk to you about it. Do not let him get defensive. He is obviously trying to avoid the situation. Here are some steps that might help you:
1. Ask about as many details as you can.
2. Ask same question over and over again. (Truth is easy; you don’t have to try to remember anything. If someone is lying its hard to get answers the same every single time.)
3. Twist the questions around, leading to same answers.
4. While asking questions read his body language.
5. Very important: do not let him leave so he can avoid the questioning.

To wrap it up I think you and your husband should be one. You should know his friends and he should know yours. Regardless of gender.
I cannot stop wondering, if he would like it and be ok with you having a male friend. Doing the same thing with him as he is doing it with his “ friend “!
Mr.G