Wife cheated with another woman....Fantasy turned reality

Wife cheated with another woman....Fantasy turned reality

Postby what2do2011 » Tue Oct 18, 2011 3:13 am

I have been together with my wife for a total of 7 years, and married for 2 years. We have always been very happy and it showed in every facet of our relationship. We are very sexual and have had a very open healthy sexual relationship. Throughout the years we would roleplay and talk about sexual fantasies during sex. Many of those fantasies always related to my desire of seeing her with another woman and the thought of a threesome with another woman. After marriage, we continued our usual sexual fantasies. We are known amongst our friends as the couple who is very easy going and would talk about any subject without hesitation. My wife is extremely beautiful and I love her very much. But, 2 weeks ago we went on a weekend and met up with another couple friends of ours. The female in the other relationship is very attractive and sensual. My wife during sex mentioned that if she ever would consider being with another woman it would be her. I was very aroused by that idea and like any other man was very turned on but I never thought it would ever happen. She mentioned that for her to consider doing it it would have to be with someone she trusted and could feel comfortable and share things in common with. Knowing the other girl, I know why she would say this, they are identical people, they share the same likes and dislikes. (Now, let me give you some understanding of the other couple, they have 3somes with other woman atleast 2-3 times a year but the rule for them is that they must share the women together or otherwise is not allowed, this is done very secretive and people have no clue of this.)

Two days later back in our hometown, they met at a restaurant and as I was explained by my wife, they began flirting and exchanging touches under the table. This is all happening meanwhile the boyfriend of the other girl is at the opposite side of the table and couldn't see what was happening. The girls then went to the car outside and proceeded to have very passionate sex. This was the first time my wife was with anyone else in the past 7 years, the first time she was sexual with a woman. It lasted for a period of 15-20 minutes and once finished they left. The boyfriend was inside the restaurant and had an idea of what was happening but didn't partake in the sexual act.

My wife calls me the next day and explains that there is something she must tell me, it seemed urgent. She explains to me what happened. The initial thoughts were very mixed, I was enraged, confused, to a certain extent even "turned on". Needless to say, this was a shocker because I never expected her to do it but most shockingly to find out she did it behind my back was what hurt the most. I saw it as a fantasy that had been visualized by both but only acted by one. She explained to me that it felt very natural and that she would have never thought about being with anyone else besides this woman. I know my wife, and I know she pressed for this to happen. I was feeling very confused as she arrived home, we sat and talked about what happened in detail. I remember thinking, "who is this person"? But the conversation turned into wether or not she would want to do it again. She began explaining to me how passionate it felt and how it was like puppy love, a carnal desire to be with someone and only that person, this made me very sad, but I kept listening. My wife said she would want to do it again. The next day the girl called and she expressed concerns about ME and the fact that we were married. I come to find out that during the very early stages of it happening the girl ask, "is it ok with your husband for you to do this", she responded, "yes, he wants me to." She based this on our fantasies and the times we were role-playing.

What hurts the most is that I trusted my wife blindly. We had an amazing lifestyle and we had no worries in our hearts. For me, this has changed. I feel I cant trust her. I feel that she thinks of her as she is with me and wants to be with her so much it would be classified as an obsession. I am at a crossroads in my life... I am 26 years old, No kids, educated and very successful at what I do. We traveled the world together and I thought I would die alongside this woman. As I write this letter I feel so broken, my heart is being pulled in many directions. I need help!!!!!!

Thanks
what2do2011
 
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Postby MSunderstoodinTX » Sat Nov 12, 2011 11:04 am

It's your pride that is hurt more than your heart. Your ego has taken a hit. Your wife cheated on You! WITH A GIRL! The fact that you were open about this idea, you're feeling sorry for yourself b/c #1) you missed out on the fun and 2) this situation isnt the other way around.

First, get over your pride. Second, Make some clear rules, put them in a contract and sign it. Third, don't throw away a good marriage for one bad choice your wife made.

From a woman's view, who is totally heterosexual, your wife is not thinking of the other female (as a replacement) while she is with you. Take your lickens. Next time watch what you say or it may be taken seriously. You openned the door to Pandora's box. She wants to bring this woman into your bedroom, b/c it is different and NEW! It is a phase and you should feel secure. There is no way other woman can take your place with your wife. Literally, the threat is in your mind, so don't make it a real one by pushing her toward the other woman.

Should you allow this other woman in your bed? ABSOLUTELY 100% NO!

yOU ARE IN A DELICATE SITUATION, because you are a man who doesn't know how to make the right choices due to pride. Don't do the following:
1. grill her about that moment. get the facts, but don't judge, get angry.
2. don't get her back
3. don't have a 3 some.

DO THE FOLLOWING:
1. Get some counseling
2. tell her HOW YOU FEEL, not how she screwed you up. For example, "I feel so jealous every time I think about you with this woman." Instead of, " You blank! I can't believe you did this to me! To our marriage!!" You are saying the same thing but one is therapeutic and the other is destructive.

It looks like you are learning an early life lesson.
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Re: Wife cheated with another woman....Fantasy turned realit

Postby Rasberry6 » Wed Nov 23, 2011 4:43 pm

To begin, from my understanding you are hurt. Not because of the fact that your wife had sexual relations with another women, but because she did it without you. This goes from a fantasy to the reality of her cheating. Her affair is painful because it is something she did on her own. You are probably feeling ALOT right now. The initial discovery of an affair triggers many emotions for both partners like shock, rage, shame, depression, guilt, and remorse. You may begin cycling though these emotions at one hand vowing to end the marriage and the next wanting to save it.

Try to step back and take one step at a time. As hard as it may be, try to give eachother space. You may already know, the discovery of an affair can be intense and it's often helpful to take a step back because of how hot the emotions are. At this time I believe it would be good for you to speak support. You have done this by posting in this forum, which I commend you for. However, it is not a bad idea to seek of friends, loved ones, and counselars or therapist. They can really offer some insight on the topic of infidelity. It is good to postpont communication until you know you can have a constructive conversation.

It is good for you to know right now it is possible to mend a relationship that has suffered an affair. I use the term affair because your wife has had an affair. Whether man or women regardless, she had a sexual relationship without your knowing or permission. In your conversations you had always imagined this particular sexual experience together. Unless there was a mention of her pursuing this on her own, she is in the wrong. She has cheated on you. It is good in the stage of healing you marraige for her to be accountable. She must take responsibility for her actions, end the affair, and stop all interaction or communication with the person. No matter how difficult it is to talk about it, you must discuss what happened openly and honestly. Let her know you feelings fully. Then consider shared goals. It may take time to sort of all that's happened but try to share a goal of reconciliation. Recovering your marriage will take time, energy, and commitment. Lastly, go together to consult a marriage counselor. In a safe no nonsense setting like this, it may be easier for you to share your feelings. You need to make it clear that you will not tolerate this again. Ask her to put herself in your shoes. Ask her if you had done the same thing, how she would feel. Your feelings need to come first on the subject of infedility. Remember, apporximately 20% of divorces are caused my infidelity. Also, people who engage in extramarital sex may experience loss of self respect, guily, stess, and complications from STD's. None of this will be good for either of you.

My last piece of information for you would be that divorce is not inevitable after infidelity, with time to heal and a mutual goal of rebuilding the relationship, some couples may emerge from this stonger and more honest than before. Set standards for your marraige. If three-somes is something your both interested in, set standards and rules. At the end of the day, you are married and this is your one and only. Three-somes more than seldom envoke jealousy and hurt. After this, I would not suggest them for your marraige. You may think its a way to spice up the marraige or may be attracted to the thought of her making love to another woman with you in the room (most men are). At the end of the day, couples that practice this rarely work out. As I said, three-somes awake emotions of anger,jealously, and hurt. For the rest of your relationship, that is on your resume. Then you may have to deal with: "Was she prettier than me? Was she better than me?" and vice versa. You can't undo that. The best thing for you would be to concentrate on your relationship. Dig up the reasons why you chose to get married, what you love about her. The fact is, your married and you love eachother. If both of you want to, you can work this out and have a happy future. Good luck with your marraige!
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Re: Wife cheated with another woman....Fantasy turned realit

Postby LeeKallett » Sun Jan 19, 2014 4:03 pm

what2do2011 wrote:I have been together with my wife for a total of 7 years, and married for 2 years. We have always been very happy and it showed in every facet of our relationship. We are very sexual and have had a very open healthy sexual relationship. Throughout the years we would roleplay and talk about sexual fantasies during sex. Many of those fantasies always related to my desire of seeing her with another woman and the thought of a threesome with another woman. After marriage, we continued our usual sexual fantasies. We are known amongst our friends as the couple who is very easy going and would talk about any subject without hesitation. My wife is extremely beautiful and I love her very much. But, 2 weeks ago we went on a weekend and met up with another couple friends of ours. The female in the other relationship is very attractive and sensual. My wife during sex mentioned that if she ever would consider being with another woman it would be her. I was very aroused by that idea and like any other man was very turned on but I never thought it would ever happen. She mentioned that for her to consider doing it it would have to be with someone she trusted and could feel comfortable and share things in common with. Knowing the other girl, I know why she would say this, they are identical people, they share the same likes and dislikes. (Now, let me give you some understanding of the other couple, they have 3somes with other woman atleast 2-3 times a year but the rule for them is that they must share the women together or otherwise is not allowed, this is done very secretive and people have no clue of this.)

Two days later back in our hometown, they met at a restaurant and as I was explained by my wife, they began flirting and exchanging touches under the table. This is all happening meanwhile the boyfriend of the other girl is at the opposite side of the table and couldn't see what was happening. The girls then went to the car outside and proceeded to have very passionate sex. This was the first time my wife was with anyone else in the past 7 years, the first time she was sexual with a woman. It lasted for a period of 15-20 minutes and once finished they left. The boyfriend was inside the restaurant and had an idea of what was happening but didn't partake in the sexual act.

My wife calls me the next day and explains that there is something she must tell me, it seemed urgent. She explains to me what happened. The initial thoughts were very mixed, I was enraged, confused, to a certain extent even "turned on". Needless to say, this was a shocker because I never expected her to do it but most shockingly to find out she did it behind my back was what hurt the most. I saw it as a fantasy that had been visualized by both but only acted by one. She explained to me that it felt very natural and that she would have never thought about being with anyone else besides this woman. I know my wife, and I know she pressed for this to happen. I was feeling very confused as she arrived home, we sat and talked about what happened in detail. I remember thinking, "who is this person"? But the conversation turned into wether or not she would want to do it again. She began explaining to me how passionate it felt and how it was like puppy love, a carnal desire to be with someone and only that person, this made me very sad, but I kept listening. My wife said she would want to do it again. The next day the girl called and she expressed concerns about ME and the fact that we were married. I come to find out that during the very early stages of it happening the girl ask, "is it ok with your husband for you to do this", she responded, "yes, he wants me to." She based this on our fantasies and the times we were role-playing.

What hurts the most is that I trusted my wife blindly. We had an amazing lifestyle and we had no worries in our hearts. For me, this has changed. I feel I cant trust her. I feel that she thinks of her as she is with me and wants to be with her so much it would be classified as an obsession. I am at a crossroads in my life... I am 26 years old, No kids, educated and very successful at what I do. We traveled the world together and I thought I would die alongside this woman. As I write this letter I feel so broken, my heart is being pulled in many directions. I need help!!!!!!

Thanks



I post this to inform the public about the current antiquated alimony laws still in existence around the country. This is my alimony horror story. In the no fault divorce state of Florida, the ex had many adulterous affairs with other women (while pregnant with the second and last child) and including her incestuous relationship with her own 20 year old female cousin. She gets rewarded for this and her changed sexual orientation with lifetime alimony by the Hillsborough County Court (Tampa Case No: 05-DR-013627) and I get punished financially. How is this right and just? It certainly isn't and the time to fix such an injustice is now. The duplicity continues and she blogs and writes as well as conducts her day to day life under an assumed last name, only using her legal last name on the driver's license and to cash the hefty checks I write. If you are outraged about this avaricious hypocrite, please get involved to fight the unjust alimony laws around the country. There is no reason why a judge can't order her to return to the workforce. She is a four year university graduate. The children are adults and no longer living in the home. There's no reason why an able bodied, healthy, educated woman can't be instructed by new law and guidelines to fully financially support herself.
The ex filed in the Circuit Court of the 13th Judicial Circuit, in and for Hillsborough County, FL Case No: 13-11991 Division G and on August 21, 2013 the judge ruled for
Order of Dismissal of Temporary Injunction for Protection
"The evidence presented is insufficient under Florida law".
The ex-wife attempted in her demand to muzzle our alimony reform efforts. She even had our 18 year old son testify against me.
Please support alimony reform.
Elvina and Lee Kallett of St. Pete Beach, FL - Pays lifetime alimony to woman unable to remarry http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l523XAgv_vc

Lee Kallett of St. Pete Beach, FL - Pays $4K in permanent alimony to lesbian ex-wife
www.youtube.com
This is Lee Kallett and Elvina Kallett. He pays permanent alimony to a woman who left the marriage because she chose to live a lesbian
LeeKallett
 
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