My significant other talked me to a family member, now what?

My significant other talked me to a family member, now what?

Postby TaxiMommy » Fri Apr 24, 2015 9:33 pm

My significant other and I have been going through a pretty rough patch these past several months, largely caused by stress I'm under from dealing with his old legal troubles, which are problematic for us now, even though he's in the process of fixing them. In a nutshell, because his license was suspended a long time ago and he kept getting more tickets for driving anyways to go to work, I now have to drive him to work 45 minutes away, back home, then back to pick him up, then home again. So I am unable to get back to work because of it and an constantly stressed and frustrated by the situation. We also have a seven month old and I have a seven year old from a previous relationship. So I'm home all day with the kids or stuck in a car driving everywhere. His communication style has always been shut down and not deal with our issues head on, which turned into a lot of built up frustrations towards him. Well recently, the stress became overwhelming and I became suicidal. I've since sought help with that, but we're still in the early stages of working on communicating better. So we still get in quite a few arguments, but we're slowly working it out.
Here's where I'm struggling. During several of our fights, he told his uncle, who's close in age to him, that we were arguing. I wasn't happy about that, as I felt it was none of his business. And recently I noticed his uncle has seemed very standoffish towards me, so I confronted my significant other. He admitted that he told his uncle about my having been suicidal, which was absolutely none of his business. He's also trash talked me multiple times to him, said I'm a bitch, mf-ed me, etc. So now his uncle, who he works with and I have to see regularly, has a negative opinion of me, despite not even knowing me aside from brief small talk in passing when I get my boyfriend from work. I also suspect it's likely his uncle told his wife too, whom I've only met once. My boyfriend now realizes after I explained to him that what he did wasn't right and that I feel totally betrayed.
My question is this. He said he will figure out a way to fix the damage he's caused, but I honestly don't know how he's supposed to do that, and neither does he. Ultimately, he's tarnished someone else's opinion of me by trash talking me from a one-sided perspective. How is he supposed to undo an opinion he's caused someone else to have of me? I really don't know how we're supposed to move forward from something like this. I now feel completely overexposed and uncomfortable to be around his family, and I can't imagine our relationship will last long if I refuse to go to any of his family functions ever again. How can he undo the damage this has done?
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Re: My significant other talked me to a family member, now w

Postby ThunderHorse » Sun May 03, 2015 7:15 am

You might ask your SO to start thinking of compliments to say about you. After some time of his giving glowing praise for you, his family should start to forget any negatives, mentioned in the past.

See Compliments for Wives thread under communications. Compliments like

She is a great Mom to the kids.
The kids really enjoy her cooking.
The kids really enjoy doing their homework, under her direction.
It is great that she is helping me with rides, since I lost my license.
She is a great driver, and avoids getting tickets.

Fighting takes two people. Glad to hear you are more able to reduce fighting.

Have you asked your SO to give you venting time? Many women feel better if they have 15 minutes a day to vent. See "Listening Strategies for Men" under "Communications". Your marriage counselor may help your SO to develop the skills to let you vent your frustrations, verbally. Venting sometimes helps reduce suicidal thoughts. Your SO should agree to keep your venting ideas confidential, so you can feel free to vent.

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