Maginty wrote:Is there anything I can do to save my marriage or is he right that it has gone too far and is too late?
Maginty wrote:. He now doesn't see his friends as they all decided they had had enough of our marital dramas. He blames me for his "social destruction".
His family is interferring. His sister banned me from the family after we had been married 12 months
ThunderHorse wrote:Maginty wrote:Is there anything I can do to save my marriage or is he right that it has gone too far and is too late?You do not mention how you boost your husband's ego.
How can you be more supportive as a fan of your husband's sports teams?
How can you give your husband more recognition for the job he holds, and the work challenges he meets?
How can you be more suportive of his time with his friends?
What are the hierarchy's of importance of people, and how can you give more dfference to your husband's coices of importance?
If his siste has banned you from her familyh, how can you work around that, and still give his sister respect?
What changes could you make to make peace with your sister-in-law?
What were the financial difficulties?
Maginty wrote:We have been married 4 years but have lived apart for the last 12 months. My husband has now filed to legally finalise our financial affairs which has caused great angst for me.
Last weekend I found he has been on two dating websites; one for 2 months = he was looking for women for relationships even though we went away for a weekend break together and we have slept together a number of times since.
From the start of our marriage he continued to live like a batchelor and went out with his buddies and called me controlling when I said that wasn't appropriate behaviour. He now doesn't see his friends as they all decided they had had enough of our marital dramas. He blames me for his "social destruction".
His family is interferring. His sister banned me from the family after we had been married 12 months and he has always defended her behaviour and doesn't see how wrong it is for her to act like this and for him to allow it.
We have been to 4 counsellors but these sessions turned into venting sessions and made things worse.
I have begged him to reconsider walking away from our marriage but he says that there are too many problems and we can never had what we had at the start when we were madly in love. He is about to move out of his family's home and into an apartment.
Is there anything I can do to save my marriage or is he right that it has gone too far and is too late?
Maginty wrote:
My husband was diagnosed with BPD as well but he doesn't believe the diagnosis. I made the mistake early in our marriage of getting him off his meds as I was sure that a loving, beautiful man like him didn't need to be pumped full of drugs that were causing other health issues for him.
We are no longer together - 12 months now he has been gone and he tells me he has seen sides of my personality that means he will never want to live with me again. I know this is the BPD and that he is splitting and I am black, black, black......
I only wish I still had the love of my beautiful husband.
Maginty wrote:In relation to me, it is very much a case of him splitting. I am where all the problems lie and his life can be 'simple' if he cuts me out.
Maginty wrote:[
On his sister, I have phoned her twice to ask if we could meet to discuss why she has prevented me from being a part of my husband's family but all I got both times was abuse from her included her taunting me for having had many miscarriages. I stayed calm throughout and did not buy into the abuse or bad language but she refused to meet with me or discuss why she has done this.
My husband is no longer on medication. He was on quite a cocktail of medications when I met him and our marriage problems began to occur when he started to wean himself off his anti-pyscotics. He was extremely paranoid, was attention-seeking (think this is why the problems with his sister were born) and created dramas by pitting people in his life against each other. He was using cannabis although less than when I first met him. He was also suicidal which I tried to combat by telling how much he was loved, needed, respected and appreciated.
He is no longer suicidal and appears on the face of it to be positive and happy. My real concern is that his family think he has a chemical imbalance that caused his addiction to drugs and alcohol. They never understood that he used these to neutralise how he felt about himself due to the BPD and body dismorph. He only told them about the BPD three years ago and his sister laughed.
he told me that he has decided that sorting out the issues around our marriage is too big and that the easier thing to do is divorce and move on, Hence him looking for a new relationship.
In relation to me, it is very much a case of him splitting. I am where all the problems lie and his life can be 'simple' if he cuts me out.
Maginty wrote:. He has Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) - he isn't Bi-Polar. I take it that your questions are even more relevant for someone with BPD ?
He thinks he is fine and doesn't need any meds any more. He would be furious with me if I suggested he needed some meds and say that yet again I am blaming him for everything.
Yes, everything changed when he came off the meds. The loving, kind caring man I married became this cold, uncaring, non-empathetic person who could be Mr Nice but more often was Mr Nasty.
A Non-medication approach to Bipolar would be to help your husband to sort out his feelilngs of put-downs and control by his family members, and how he could handle his relations with family members better.
ThunderHorse wrote:There is a lot of recent literature on Narcissistic Personality Disorder, which is sometimes associated with Borderline Personality disorder. You might look at that literture, available on the Web through Google, to see if that is applicable to your husband. The suggestions for Narcissistic is to ignore the unkind things he says, and try to find ways to boost his Ego.
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