Bi-Polar help

[jembay526]

I guess this is the most appropriate place to post my question. I was diagnosed 3 years ago, at 47, with bi-polar disorder. I spent the first couple years just getting used to the meds and accepting the diagnosis. I have spent the last few months educating myself on the topic. As I've seen more and more how my past was affected by the disorder, and see the patterns of it now in my life, I have been sharing with my wife what I learn. Last night, she asked me when the bi-polar was going to stop being a crutch for me. Evidently, I've been talking about it so much as I learn more (I am a tactile learner-I learn by trying to apply what I'm learning to my situation and do this by talking it through), she is getting overwhelmed and sees me needing far too much from her and not giving her much at all to meet her emotional needs. I can accept this, and am not angry or hurt-I have other outlets for my learning process, but I do see that I have neglected her emotional needs. My question is this-how do I balance my own learning journey AND meet my wife's emotional needs at the same time? Has anyone else out there dealt with a similar situation? Thanks in advance for the help and answers.

[ThunderHorse]

Your wife may need more quality listening time for her to vent. Calling your Bi-Polar studies a crutch, seems to me like venting, but not a helpful, encouraging remark for your progress.

You have identified a goal of being more supportive to your wife's emotional needs. You seem to conclude that your wife does not need more understanding of B-Polar, for her emotional needs. Encouraging your wife to vent, is one way to meet your wife's emotional needs. Under Communications, there is a thread, "Listening Strategies for Men" One goal for your own therapy could be to improve your skills in encouraging your wife to vent. There is another thread on "Avoiding Heated Arguments" There is a thread on "compliments for wives".

I have recently made a list for myself of feelings that I can suggest to my wife, to generate good feelings in my wife. Suggesting, Feeling Good, Feeling Nice, Feeling Clean, Feeling Perfect, Smooth feeling.

When I ride the bus, I try to project to a female seat partner, that I feel she is attractive. Women can sense your feelings. Just saying "Have a Nice Day" can be said in an admiring manner.

Similarly, at home, you can give your wife devoted attention of admiration. Feelings of affection can be projected, and felt by your wife. There may be times of the day, or certain circumstances, when you want to interrupt what you are doing, to give your wife some attention. My wife usually appreciates that I come to the living room, near the front door, when she arrives home.

Caresses of endearment. Sometimes, I caress my wife in a manner that is pleasing to my senses. I should more often understand the acupressure of lovers. I should more often, give a casual caress, more designed for her feeling good/energized.


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