by PsychStudent401 » Tue Dec 03, 2013 11:28 am
If I am understanding your problem correctly, you are having issues with your wife needing space, correct? Your wife has told you several times that you are a good husband and father, and she praises you for doing a good job. However, your wife needing space may make you worried or insecure about the possibility of someone else. When did your wife start feeling this way and communicating this to you? How many years have you been married to her? It is natural to be insecure about your wife needing space, however the fact that she “needs space” may just be that she is having a conflict with herself.
As a psychology student, I learn a lot from my Professor on love, relationships, and healthy marriages. My psychology professor says there is a thing called quality of attachment. People tend to be more securely attached in relationships and marriages if they had parents that were “warm, responsive, and sensitive to the infant’s needs.” Perhaps, your wife was not securely attached as a child and still represents some of those characteristics by needing space. This would not be because of another man, or that she does not love you, just from the way she was conditioned as a child. According to Dr.Haltzman, author of Secrets of Happily Married Men “conflict is a part of marriage.” Conflict is natural and healthy in a marriage. Your wife may need space because she is having a problem with a conflict in your marriage. Dr.Haltzman also says that men need to “learn to listen.” Sometimes women just need to talk and be heard.
In your case, your wife most likely has poor attachment issues due to the attachment theory. As previously said, this is not your fault. Being different is part of what makes us human, and although you may not understand why your wife needs space, it’s important to understand she was conditioned as a child differently than you were. Also, realizing that there is a conflict in your case is a big deal. The conflict may be that your wife needs space, or the conflict may be bigger than that and the conflict is causing your wife to want space. Listening is a big, huge part of a marriage. Listening may be able to resolve the conflict your wife is having with needing her space.
If you wish to solve the space conflict with your wife, the best thing to do is communicate with her. Sit your wife down, and ask her why she feels that she needs space. Offer to listen to her without ever butting into her conversation. Your wife will value your attempt to understand her, and this may solve the conflict with her wanting space. After listening to her, explain conflict is a natural phenomenon in a marriage and as long as you communicate and work things out, you will stay happily married.