by Scott Haltzman » Sun Apr 23, 2006 8:41 pm
Dear Shy,
I'm so glad you're reading this book before you get married. I've heard from so many people "If only I had read this book before..." Good luck on you upcoming wedding.
Good questions! Interestingly, studies show less and less that men feel the need to earn more than their wives. Hey, we're not fools! If she earns a lot of money, everybody benefits!
Also, please remember that when I write about what "woman want," it may not be all women. That being said, I have found that, in general, women DO want to feel like their man will "protect and serve." In my opinion, it really doesn't matter all that much whether you earn more than her, that's only a small part of providing for her. When she says, "I'm thirsty," do you say "What would you like me to get you to drink?" If she say's I'm cold, do you ask if you can get her a sweater. Most times she'll say, "No, I can take care of myself." But showing her the kind of chilvary you demonstrated when you were dating can be your way of saying, "I'm here to make sure your needs are taken care of."
Also, remember that by being a teacher one of the things you "provide" is standing in the community and impacting the future of children's lives. I hope your wife sees this as part of the value you bring to the marriage.
You're on the right track about supporting ambitions. Too often I see men's first reaction to a woman's career goals as "That's stupid," or "How exactly do you plan on pulling that off." Take the time to listen to your wife's dreams. Let her know that you value her opinions. And, yes, pitch in in a way that demonstrates that you take her seriously.
Thanks for joining our message board, don't be too shy/timid!
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