My wife is a feminist, though she will deny it. Never misses a chance to take pot shots at men and how 'abusive, ego-centric, irresponsible, immoral, etc.' all men are. I have spent my life making sure that my wife never had to face 'the glass ceiling' even at the expense of my own career.......and even helping her find work in the career field she wanted to be in. Unfortunately, I'm in the same field. Now, all we do is compete and that competition has turned into disrespect.
I was not the 'competitive' type, growing up. It's not my style. She, on the other hand, has always had problems in the workplace and working in the corporate world because she is so competitive with.......men! Truly, she has no problems with women, though she will never let another woman dominate her. She will allow men, whom most feminists claim are 'mysogynous' or 'players', to dominate, however. She thinks it's 'sexy'. It's fine if they cheat on ther wives.......THEY are producers.......THEY are achievers! Huh?
We started our lives all over again and re-located three times, so far, to other parts of the country. She, always having her clients in tow, and me, starting over again each time (usually because she's scalped mine or convinced me to 'turn them over to her' because she is 'better' at what she does). I realized that 'motherhood' was not her strength early on, and willingly adapted to that role. In fact, I loved it. Yet, as every year went by, as our child grew healthy, intelligent, happy and independent, I lost more and more work.......and more and more self-respect. I've become that 'woman' that everyone hears about.......you know, the one who 'got married, raised the kids, kept the home running and........NOW what do I do?".
My wife first said 'it's OK if I make more money......you just have an ego problem with me making more......that's all'. But every time it comes to a financial discussion, and even though I shoulder 95% of the child rearing and doemstic burden, she still fights with me about money. I have to beg her for money to go shopping for groceries because she's already commandered all the bank accounts. What's weirder is that every financial INVESTMENT that I've made, has profited, big time, but she doesn't count that income as 'real money'.......I still need to find a 'real job' (I make over 6 figures a year, by the way in my current line of work......it's just that it's in HER field).
I had no problem capitulating every time for the sake of her career-it's just that the public put downs became less subtle with the years, and now she has no qualms about discussing personal finances (or my lack thereof) in public.......and not just her friends, but mine AND in front of my clients!
It's not just the public put downs either. It's the constant complaining, the need to make her self look better to everyone or to be right, every time, the interruptions when I, at last, attempt to get a word in edge-wise, or her need to make me look 'stupid' all the time-no matter where and when. Yep......she's a bully.
Now, she's taken to drinking. And she's becoming abusive to our pre-teen son. Worse, she puts him down, interrupts him, corrects him, and does not pay attention to him when he's speaking, and, of course, NEVER spends time with him. BUT, you see, this is all MY fault.......I'm the one who is 'poisoning the well' and putting thoughts into his head. My son feels neglected by his mom, to the extent that, when she is out of town for weeks at a time on a business trip (I have to stop whatever work I have, of course, in order for her to do so), he refuses to call her. Now, they are beginning to have real issues, and I am being blamed for them.
Lately, she has hired more assistants, as her business grows. We both work out of the house. The assistants are there, in the house, for at least 12 hours a day. They all have daily 'work meetings' at night-all over cocktails, and I have to cook for all of them. One of the male assistants has a crush on her, but she denies it. However, whenever they go out of town together on a 'business trip', they eat all their meals together, go to events together, and stay in the same condo together (one of the partners provides the condos). I know she isn't cheating, but it drives me crazy. The final straw came when my wife loaned this young man her brand-new, expensive, sports car for a couple of weeks, while she was out of town (he stayed behind that time).
I'm fed up, but I don't want to hurt our son (dare I say, in this case, MY son?). I know divorce would be devastating, and because she so far exceeds my earning capabilities, because of all the re-locations, because of my age and other factors, it would be a 'scorched earth' (in her mind) if ever we went to court. She already makes such comments about our friends who have divorced and IF the man is awarded support by the courts, it's always 'well, he was only in it for the money'! What? She didn't make as much as I did when we got married and it's BECAUSE of me that she does now!
The thing that most offends me about all the financial stuff is that I am paying all my bills.....with nothing left over. Nothing for a movie, a vacation, or even dinner out. In the meantime, she adds to her vast collection of watches, rings, jewelry, cars, horses, purses, clothing, etc., etc....And when I come up short, she berates me.......(mind you, I'M the one with the ego problem, you see.....).
It seems pointless to try to please her. She feels that she pays for everything. I can't even buy her Christmas presents because she says "don't spend anything on me because you never get it right, as for what I want or like........and I wind up paying for it anyway, so just don't bother". Can't go there. My heart has been broken too many times......it really, truly kills me.......no, better yet, it decimates me. I can not please her. Not in any way. What's the point?
We are in therapy, and she is happier, but it hasn't changed her ways. She is happier because "you are finally getting help for YOUR problem". My problem! What a laugh! The 'laugh' is that, as soon as I booked the session (she couldn't be bothered), that I 'instantly' got better! Weird! So, it was a simple matter of ME giving in and admitting my problem in her mind.....Funny......even before we even met the first time with the therapist, she was already saying that I was 'better' to her. Huh?
We once had a dynamic and wonderful life. Sex? Went bye-bye after the birth of our son. Mutual interests? I'd like that, but she only wants to spend time doing what SHE loves and finds me, and what I like, 'boring'. I'm too 'technical', too 'boring', too 'professorial', too 'eccentric'! What? Because we've reversed traditional roles and I'm successful at it? Strange.......
I'm done, but I can't walk away. I'm a Christian and I feel like I will be sinning if there is a divorce without infidelity. I am content to not make waves and just keep my mouth shut, but even then I am wrong and criticized for not reacting in a 'predictable' way.
Help. I am beginning to loath the fact that I ever even tried to understand the feminist viewpoint. Men and women simply are NOT equal, nor the same. A woman's ego, in my estimation, is much bigger than a man's. "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned" is such an anti-fiminist viewpoint-yet I've found it to be true in every case! It just doesn't work......and I'm living proof!