by ThunderHorse » Sun Aug 13, 2006 2:29 pm
How long should I stay married?
How foolish should I feel for having stayed married for longer than reasonable?
At what age is it reasonable to leave a wife who enjoys giving her hsband a hard time? After how many years of trying? How many years after the youngest child turns 18?
Any techniques for negotiating better with someone who is impulsive with a short attention span? Who enjoys a make-wrong approach attitude?
You mentioned Diagnosis earlier in the thread. Some of my wife's characterstics could match up with some of the ADHD characteristics. Whether she should be diagnosed ADHD or not is really central to my current thinking. My wife resists offers of therapy.
Yesterday I figured out that my wife had done some sneaky things, like having her brother come over and change some curtain vanitys around. Not that that is a big deal, but her attitude was condescending and sneaky.
So I slept on the couch in the living room last night, and she asked me, harshly, what was wrong in the morning. I told her it seemed that she was more interested in arguing than in trying to be loving and respectful. I told her that she had known me for quite a few years, and I was sure taht if she thought about it, she would figure it out.
My wife mentioned a few things that were bothering me, but said that the issues whe was aware of should not bother me. I just told her I was in a bad mood, and maybe we cold talk about it in a day or two. So my wife knows what sneaky things she did, and that she could have spent tiem with me doing what she had her brother do. My wife spends too much time with her relatives and not enough time with me. My availablity is regular, but my wife gets caught up impulsively at the last minute, by her relatives, when she should be spending time with me.
I followed the principle from the Secrets Book of not exagerating criticism about my wife, to my wife.
My father often went to sleep on the couch, in the living room, and my mother would go to bed, before my father went up. Often my father would be asleep on the couch past midnight, for several hours after my mother had gone to bed.
I felt this was wrong, and that my father should have gone up to bed with my mother on time.
Now, I see there is a power structure of expressing dissatisfaction, but being home, and asserting some level of authority, by sleeping on the living room couch.
Spending time at home, arguing constructively, and avoiding put-downs are recommedation of the Haltzman Book of Secrets