marriage.whats it all about????

marriage.whats it all about????

Postby kit » Fri Aug 18, 2006 6:30 am

i read all these posts and wonder why does anyone get married???

I am nearly 30 and have not even been close to getting married,, not through any fault of my own, i have been with my boyfriend for nearly 4 years and i dont think he has even thought about it. although he says he wants to spend the rest of his life with me.

I work 10 hours everyday, own money, cook every night, clean, food shop etc.. i keep myself tidy, pretty and work out...

i give gifts to my boyfriend tell him i appreciate everything he does, take him coffee while in the shed look after him, pamper him. never nag... so why no marriage????

we are best friends, we get along very well....
he is 42 has his own house, own life. has been engaged b4 to a 6 year relationship, has no kids,
i would think he would want to hang onto me. someone who treats him soo nice.
so whats it all about?????
h\just asking myself is marriage important or have i just lost faith??
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Postby Patriarch Verlch » Fri Aug 18, 2006 8:43 am

Actually marriage is in institution found very early in the bible when God said in the Jewish Old Testament, "It is not good that man should be alone." "I will make him a help meet." Adam then called her "Wo-man" "because she was taken out of man, she was bone on his bones and flesh of his flesh because God says he used a rib of Adam.

Now, you can disbelieve that, which is fine. I can find no eye witnesses in any other theory. Questions can be raised. There are many other reasons I put my faith in the bible.

That said, studies have shown that women are happiest when married in a stable relationship. With men as the head of the household daughters grow up with plenty of fatherly male attention. This stops the young girls from using sex to gain attention from boys, and could end up pregnant at a young age.

A stable marriage is the best for young boys. If their home life is a wreck, mom is a poor single mother, is a breeding ground for criminal activity. As 85% of all criminals come from broken homes, where the head of household is the mother. (the man that stole my car was a meth addict from a broken home, raised by a poor single mother)

Kate Obrien (sp ??) in her book "Women who make the World worse" made mention of a study done. They polled 100k women 20 years ago and 100k men to find their happiness levels. 20 years later they did the same. What they found was that women's happiness level was 20 points less, and men's were relatively the same. Women, in general are happiest married, why is feminism trying to take that away?

Not only do married men live longer and married women live longer, than their single counterparts, but married men and women live longer than their single homosexual gay counterparts. The average life span of a homosexual man is 55 (???) somewhere in there.

So other than providing a stable environment for the next generation to grow in, marriage has positive elements that affect mankind.

Albeit nowadays it is unsafe for men to marry. I think it is an incentive for women to marry. Until child support and alimony laws change.

Men pay in 90% of divorces, 40 billion is alot to pay out to fund a bureaucratic nightmare of 60,000 folks, per year.

We need to keep the State out of our marriage, off our marriage certificates, and away from our children.

The best thing to do is to home school or send to private school our children.
Patriarch Verlch
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Postby Hremom » Fri Aug 18, 2006 9:53 pm

My husband and I were where you are after living together for a year. He wasn't showing any sign of proposing marriage even though he said he'd never have kids without being married.

I was ready to have kids, knew I wanted him to be their father (not just a sperm donor, I wanted him as an involved in their daily lives father.) so I proposed!! :D

Was it taking a risk? Sure, but I was ready to take the next step and I wasn't going to wait out his reluctance.

We've been happily married for 13 years.

Good luck!
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Give Up

Postby Trap_me_forever » Sun Dec 17, 2006 11:00 pm

In my opinion, unless you feel like getting back into the whole dating scene, give up thinking about marriage. I have. I have a nice man who believes marriage is all a piece of paper that the govt. gives you to force you to do certain things. He feels if you are committed to someone, you're committed to someone. I was married before. I ended it after 2 kids because he was an alcoholic w/ 2 DUIs, not going to work and on the verge of him putting us in bankruptcy. We were together from high school from 10 years. I worked full-time and took care of him and the kids. (He worked but rarely made it in because of drinking after awhile.) I made $8,000 a yr. I got help from the givt, but not much. (med & food stamps about 200 a month). I had lawyers who would not represent me because I had no money. Finally we got divorced and I skipped alimony, and domestic relations because I knew he couldn't afford it while moving on with his life. So he paid me $100 a month a child. And rarely did he do that. I loaned him money from income tax to get an apt. and gave him extra food when I made dinner to help. He now makes over $40,000 a year and I make $15,000. I am not eligible for food stamps and still have 1 child that is underage. I could have taken him back for more $ but why. I am a grown adult. I don't want to depend on someone to help me.
My new guy knows all this. He lives w/me now too. (and pays rent $250 a month). I treat him like gold and he knows I am not a gold digger or anything but he will never marry me. It's been almost 2 years and you know what I am happier now than I ever was. So I accept the fact that I am not special enough to be his wife, because to me it is more of a symbol than anything else. He married once before and she screwed him. Now that he's had that experience and is paying child support and can't even see his son he will never do it again. The bitches ruin it for everyone else. But I don't ever want to get back into the rat race of dating. It is so fake and full of crap you could wear toilet paper when you go out on a date and not be underdressed. Give it up and be happy w/what you have.
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Postby Kendra29 » Mon Nov 14, 2011 2:08 pm

Hello Kit, so you have been with your boyfriend for nearly four years. From the sound of things, you seem to be very independent. You are wondering why he has not proposed yet correct. You also said he was engaged before and was with the woman for 6 years. Do you live together?
In Psychology class, recently I learned that couples move through three stages: The stimulus value stage: is there superficial attraction? If yes then you proceed to the next stage. In your case, you have been together for almost four years, so there is indeed that superficial attraction. The value comparison stage: are your values compatible? If they are, you move onto stage three. You and your boyfriend do not share in all the same values maybe. The third stage is the role stage: consider whether the other person fulfills the role of an intimate companion. Which it seems like you do.
In my own personal opinion, I think because he was previously engaged before that he might just not be completely ready to go down that road again. Perhaps he has a fear of engagement and, the relationship ending like the previous one did? It you value marriage and it is something you want in life, then you need to talk to him about it and see where his head is. If he is not interested in marriage then maybe you need to move on and find someone who can give you what you need. Do not ever settle for less than you deserve. I think some men are just afraid of taking a relationship to the next level and, need a lot of time. If he loves you as much as you seem to love him then he will take into consideration your wants and desires.
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Postby trustablonde91 » Wed Nov 16, 2011 11:46 am

Hello Kit,
I understand you feel like you lost faith in marriage and its importance. Do you feel you need to get married or do you want to? When he says he wants to spend the rest of his life with you what is your response? Is it reassuring? I am sure he appreciates everything you do for him. You seem to be very independent and have a good grasp on your life. You say he has been engaged before, that can create a bad experience and make a person feel as if they shouldn’t try again for fear of it ending in disaster; especially if they already have something so pleasurable. You should reassure him that you are the one for him.

I am a student at CCRI and currently enrolled in a psychology course. My professor told me that marriage is the most important form of self-expression. But due to social trends in society many people have been getting married later in life, or simply not getting married; increased acceptance of both single hood and cohabitation. But just because someone is married does not mean they are any happier than two people who live together without the legal bonds.

I have also been in a relationship for nearly 4 years. He is my best friend and knows everything there is to know about me. I have a friend who has been with her boyfriend for over six years. They have never been married nor will they ever get married. But when I see them together I don’t think of them as unmarried or not having a title, I see them as in love and that is all that matters. If getting married is important to you and something you want to express tell him! Tell him how you feel and that it is an idea that has crossed your mind. See what he has to say. Sometimes men like to know your feelings before they share theirs.

I really hope this restores your faith. Hang in there.

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Postby Js93 » Sat Nov 19, 2011 6:30 pm

Dear kit,

I see that your questioning about why people get married and even though you have been with this guy for four years, both treat each other very well, and he still hasn't asked you to marry him. Have you asked him why he hasn't proposed? Do you know clearly what his intentions are with you? Do you think that him being in a six year relationship may want to take things slow?

In my psychology class we have many discussions about marriage and also have taken notes on marriage. Marriage is the legally and socially sanctioned union of sexually intimate adults. I thought you should know the true definition of marriage before you actually consider getting married. Dr. Haltzman says that "The first secret of happily married women is to know your husband. Your man has certain qualities that are distinct from your own. When you were dating, you might have thought his ways were cute. But when you get married, sometimes you might find those same qualities irksome." Dating someone and being married to someone is different.

Your asking yourself why your not married when you and your boyfriend have similar qualities of a married couple. My advise is to talk to your boyfriend about marriage. I would believe he's taking things slow knowing that he got out of a 6 year relationship. I also advise to enjoy the way your relationship is now because from what you say it seems like you both are in a good state. As I stated before dating someone and being married to someone is different because as Dr. Haltzman said "when your dating, you might have thought his ways were cute. But when you get married, sometimes you might find those same qualities irksome"
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Re: marriage.whats it all about????

Postby princesssx3x » Wed Dec 07, 2011 12:37 pm

Well let me congratulating you on finding someone that you could spend the rest of your life with and not being married to him. For me its to call someone my husband and to have that label I understand why u say why marriage? Let me ask you do you ever wonder why he hasn’t proposed to you? Have you ever considered it? Have you and your boyfriend ever talked about getting married?

But wouldn’t you want to call someone your husband and have a ring on your finger that embody the continuous flow of love, a circle that symbolizes eternity where there is no beginning and no end. It is believed that love moves around endlessly in circles for better or worse. It is an appropriate sign for the true meaning of marriage. Maybe its something you should consider. I would consider talking to your boyfriend about marriage.

Dr M. says that more married couples are a lot happier. Marriage is the legally and socially sanctioned union of sexually intimate adults. Just knowing inside that you have someone that has the title of being married to you is probably one of the best feelings in the world. Then the honeymoon, you two can travel the world together.
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Re: marriage.whats it all about????

Postby cfina » Sat Jul 14, 2012 3:42 am

LOVE HIM! Stop thinking about the things you do for him or he does for you .
Operate out of LOVING him and forget about all the other things.
When you LOVE him, things will be better. Stop thinking about marriage or committment being the prize.
Loving someone else is the prize, it's the thing we GET to do . Loving someone else makes us better and it makes them better
too. Focus on LOVE and it comes back to you.
Try it. Enjoy what you are giving as much as expecting what you will get.
IT will all work better.
LOVE first. :)
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