I got served........ and not the good kind

I got served........ and not the good kind

Postby j.l.horwitz » Sun Apr 08, 2012 10:35 am

After knowing each other for 20 years, 12 of them married with 1 child about to turn 3 in May, I got served divorce papers last month. It started out that she wanted to go to therapy. I told her to go ahead. The very next week, it turned to "we need couples therapy". I grudgingly agreed, but went. At the third session, she said she wanted a divorce. the therapist (a complete waste of time, and a terrible therapist)did not challenge her decision, told me he is no longer our therapist, gave me a list of crisis phone numbers including suicide numbers, and escorted us out. I paid $95 for the glory that 15 minute session. From that day, our lives really have not changed other than she states she no longer loves me, has not for a long time, kept it a secret until she came to a "realization" at therapy and we are not allowed to talk about "us" anymore.

I think it goes without saying that I was a little devastated and shocked at this bomb dropped on me. Two weeks ealier she had said she loved me and wanted to spend the rest of her life with me. Literally TWO WEEKS BEFORE! I have read everything I could get my hands on, including Dr. Scott's book, have seeked out personal therapy to help me out of this dilema, but she refuses any attempt by me to reconsile. She has said "who knows, two years from now I might see you in a different light, but right now, I love you, but am not in love with you.

I am a Manufacturing Engineer by trade. I fix problems. There is nothing I cannot fix............ except this. I have read a total of 10 "self-help" books in the last month, and have consulted with many profesionals and am told you can't just "fall out of love " with someone like this. The best analogy I heard is "Rome was not built in a day, and did not fall in a day." She has started the divorce process, without lawyers because we agreed lawyers serve themselves best in cases like ours, and would only do further financial devastation. I love her more than anything, and have told her so, but she shows me hate and disdain one minute, then acts like nothing is wrong the next. Our live have not changed. We sleep in the same bed, take care of our little guy the same way, I am the cook, she does dishes. NOTHING has changed except this hate for me when I bring up "us". Now, I have had enough of this and stood my ground one night after the boy was asleep and told her I was not going down without a fight. We are going to discuss what the "problems" are, and work towards her not looking at me with hate, flipping me off, and saying f*ck you. I have to initialize these nightly meetings, and I get very little cooperation, but damn it, I will not lose everything I have built in my life without a fight. Problem is, I am an idiot. I do not know what to do. I know what her problems are, but to come from me means that "I don't know what I am talking about". If it came from her therapist, it would have weight. But her therapist, I think, Is a man hating piece of garbage, thus the papers. She claims she is coming to grips with things in her life but refuses to come to grips with me.

WTF? What can I do? I dont want to lose my family over something I can't even learn what the real problem is! I have worked too hard all my life to get what I have, and do not want to lose it without a damn good reason other than a cliche that I know to not be true.
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