Mi wife is lost

Mi wife is lost

Postby Pietro » Sun Sep 02, 2012 5:33 am

Hi I'm a married to my wife for 13 years, we have 2 beautiful children, now we are at a point that we argue a lot about our feelings.

My wife does not believe who she is anymore, she told me that she is working on these issues and has had some demands that I have accepted, she needed a week off to be all by herself.

I later find out that she didn't wanted to be by her self. He had her brother coming to meet her and tried to have her dance/personal trainer come to meet her.

Let me tell you more about her way to find herself.
She met this guy the she had matured a connection with and they been talking about growth, speritual growth and emotional growth. This individual is a dance instructor and a personal trained.

My wife learnede to dance in his classes and trains with him on private.
She is telling me that while they are in training they talk about life, spiritual being, emotional situations and so on.
This is been going on 5 years now.
I begun to feel a threat to my relationship with my wife from this guy as my wife won't share any of her problems with me because of fear of my reaction, I have asked her to let me into her circle of life and she is says that she's not ready yet.
I have begun to lose my patience.
I broke down and I told her that has to make her decision. It's either him or me.

She told me that won't be neither of us. My wife is lost.

She now is questioning her sexuality, her religious faith, and her beliefs.

I'm at a point of exasperation don't know what o do anymore.

I love her and I love my family, this is going not too good.
Pietro
 
Posts: 1
Joined: Sun Sep 02, 2012 5:09 am

Re: Mi wife is lost

Postby sl1fer » Mon Dec 03, 2012 9:53 pm

Hi Pietro,

It's totally understandable to have feelings of threat to your relationship with your wife especially since she has been with this personal trainer for 5 years talking about spiritual and emotional growth and about life. It's agreeable to try to be in her circle as well. Have you tried being sympathetic about what she may be going through even without knowing what she is fully going through? Have you tried letting her know that you are trying to be in her shoes?

There are many theories out there about relationships in general but let's just stick to the facts for now. According to Dr.Scott Haltzman's Facebook post, affairs happen in up to 40% of marriages. From "The Secrets of Happily Married Women," by Dr. Scott Haltzman- "One of them most famous quotes attributed to Gloria Steinem was 'A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle.'" This means that women need men.

You have feelings of threat to your relationship with your wife. Perhaps an affair can happen between your wife and her personal trainer, but there are no proof. She needs you like a brain that needs energy from food. You have been married for 13 years and have 2 beautiful children. She is also afraid of your reaction.

Keep on trying to be in her circle in a nice polite positive way. When she is stressing out, ask her if you can help her in any way. ALWAYS LEND AN EAR WHEN SHE NEEDS IT. Make her dinner sometime or even take her out to eat. Tell her that she is beautiful and that she means everything to you. Have lots of patience! No one can easily just get into someone circle. It takes time! Treat her out to something she likes to do, for example: going to the salon, clothes shopping, movies, etc. BE VERY SUPPORTIVE. Talk to her in a nice tone of voice. Take care of the kids (if they are still in the age range of needing to take care of). Help around. Show her that you care and say that you care. NEVER FORCE ANY THING! Hope all goes well and good luck!
sl1fer
 
Posts: 3
Joined: Mon Dec 03, 2012 2:43 pm

Re: Mi wife is lost

Postby sl1fer » Tue Dec 04, 2012 7:49 am

Hi Pietro,

It is understandable that you feel threatened to your relationship with your wife. She has a personal trainer that she had a matured a connection with who talks to her about life and spiritual and emotional growth. That has been going on for 5 years. Your wife won't share any of her problems because she is fearful of your reaction and you want to be in her circle of life but she says you are not ready to be in it yet. Have sexuality play a role in your relationship before? Have you tried talking to her in a nice tone of voice? Have you tried letting her know that you are there for her no matter what?

There are many theories out there but let’s stick to the facts. According to Dr.Scott Haltzman Facebook post, affairs happen in up to 40% of marriages. That is almost half of marriages that are out there. One quote from Dr. Scott Haltzman's book, “The Secrets of Happily Married Women,"- "One of them most famous quotes attributed to Gloria Steinem was 'A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle,' This states that women need men. He also states that "Men LOVE women."

You're trying to be in your wife's circle. She is fearful of your reaction. You guys argue about your feelings now. You found out that her brother was coming to meet and tried to have her personal trainer meet her. You accepted some of her demands.

Try to listen to your wife when you are arguing. This may be a clue to what she is going through. Help her with anything she needs help with in her daily life. Comfort her when she needs it. Treat her out to where ever she likes to go. Make it known that you are there for her no matter what. Try to understand her as a person. When speaking to her, speak in a nice tone of voice. Let her know that she is beautiful. Make her dinner sometimes or take her out to a romantic date. Hope all goes well and good luck!
sl1fer
 
Posts: 3
Joined: Mon Dec 03, 2012 2:43 pm


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