by ThunderHorse » Sat Apr 27, 2013 7:50 am
To: Brooklyn Dad,
You mention that your wife is resentful and angry. From some perspectives, this would be considered an unsuccessful result.
Humans compartmentalize aspects of their mind. When we go to work, we have on presona, when we ride the bus, whe have another persona, and when we are at home, we have another approach. Sometimes we need to integrate somea spects of our life that we have had separated, and sometimes we need to improve our comparmentalization of aspects of our lives. Sometimes we need to build a window inbetween comparments, and sometimes we need to pull the blinds on a window.
I suggested that you might improve the aspect of your persona that encourages your woman to vent, some 15 minutes per day. From the perspective of your skills in getting your woman to express her pent-up emotions, the fact that your woman expresses Anger and Resentment, sometimes, is a success, in that you are encouraging her to think through her emotions and feelings on various issues,
Anger and Resentment are normal feelings that arise in life, and as a couple grows closer, you will often have the opportunity to discover your woman's inner feelings, that she ordinarily covers up to other friends and aquaintences.
You mention that you have made some mistakes. It is also important to recognize, what your are doing correctly, successfully. Many men who do not understand that the mental compartment for encouraging a woman to vent, is actually successful, when the woman expresses Anger and Resentment. If you respond to your woman's expressions of Anger and Resentment, with disappointment, then you are missing the opportunity to encourage your woman's expression of more of her thoughts, that would be helpful for her to think through.
It has taken me some effort to become better at encouraing my wife to vent, and to handle her expressions anger, fear and frustration, with the Boring Baroque Response.
I am currently trying to improve my distance telephone skills, when my wife is away visiting relatives. My wife often seems to want to keep the conversation short. Of course soemtimes she is in the middle of some activity with her family, when I call.
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