What works?

What works?

Postby RedRider72577 » Thu Oct 03, 2013 11:56 am

I just read a post on another forum that every woman wants to be Loved, Beautiful, Respected and Protected. I feel all these things toward my wife. How do you actually make her feel this way? Nothing I do seems to be appreciated......
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Re: What works?

Postby larfer4 » Tue Oct 08, 2013 11:23 pm

Have you tried telling her that on a daily basis, everyone wants that positive reinforcement, but you can't just feel it in heart and never let her know
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Re: What works?

Postby ThunderHorse » Fri Oct 11, 2013 4:55 am

RedRider72577 wrote:I just read a post on another forum that every woman wants to be Loved, Beautiful, Respected and Protected. I feel all these things toward my wife. How do you actually make her feel this way? Nothing I do seems to be appreciated......


Under Communications there is a thread, COMPLIMENTS FOR WIVES. Since your wife is being uncommunicative, you might phrase the compliments in a matter-of-fact tone. so as not to expect a response from her. Just have confidence that if you can encourage her to vent about anything to you, that you are building Love in your relationship. It seems you are looking for displays of love from your wife. Take care of listening first.

Under Communications, there is a thread LISTENING STRAGTEGIES FOR MEN. If you are not getting your wife to talk to you for 15 minutes a day, I suggest working on your list of questions to ask your wife to get her to talk to you. Having compliments to give her, like "That seems like an intelligent approach" of "That was probably the best choice."

What questions can you ask your wife to get her talking? Open ended question. Like "How is your mother?" "Have your heard from your sister?" "How was traffic today?" Avoid making suggestions for solutions, just let her express her feelings.



//
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Re: What works?

Postby RedRider72577 » Mon Oct 21, 2013 3:03 pm

I appreciate your advice. You have hit on a major problem in our marriage. Communication. If I do not talk there is no conversation. If I ask "if she talked to her sister today"? She will simply answer yes or no. If I follow up a "yes" with "is anything new with her (sister)?", I get a "no". It doesn't matter the question. She gives the minimal answer possible. She never initiates conversation on her own. Something significant can happen and I will literally hear about it from someone else.
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Re: What works?

Postby psychstudent01 » Fri Nov 15, 2013 3:02 pm

You stated that “every woman wants to be loved, beautiful, respected and protected.” In what ways have you tried to express your feelings to her? Maybe verbal compliments and gestures are not enough for her to believe you truly mean it. In Dr. Scott Haltzman’s book Secrets of Happily Married Men he offers great examples of ways to express how you feel to you wife that she will appreciate. Dr. Haltzman says “to understand the way to your wife’s heart, you must first learn what makes her tick.”
It seems your wife does not put effort into initiating conversation but look closely back on past conversation. Maybe she has tried expressing herself to you but you were simply too distracted to acknowledge her with your undivided attention. Have you actively communicated with each other without distracted such as the television, newspaper etcetera? She could have attempted to talk many times but now she may not want to because she may believe you will not listen to what she has to say. When she is talking occasionally let her know that you are listening, you do not have to understand everything right away but may just need someone to vent to.
Some ways to make her feel loved, beautiful, respected and protected can be something as simple as giving her flowers even though you may thing it is a colossal waste. Spending time with her is also a way to prove that you care for her. Always asking her first before you go making plans with your friends would be a way to show that you put her needs before your own. Remember she should be your first priority not your friends it is her who you will be going home to every night not your friends. Open doors for her, it may seems silly but she will appreciate the small gesture that you thought of her and wanted to help. Hopefully these things will show her that you are committed and love her and maybe it will even open up more doors of communication as well.
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Re: What works?

Postby Kimmer1020 » Wed Jan 15, 2014 2:09 am

Guys: I had a great post here for you from a woman, but this site timed me out and all of my well thought-out advice for you was lost. Hopefully, I'll be able to recreate tomorrow. A helpful hint to the site administrator(s): please enable an autosave feature on this site! I put in a lot of time & thought to this, only to have it disappear when I was forced to log in again! Thanks.
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Re: What works?

Postby admin » Wed Jan 15, 2014 8:48 pm

Sorry Kimmer,
First time I had heard of this. That sucks. will try to fix.
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Re: What works?

Postby ThunderHorse » Fri Jan 17, 2014 2:40 am

Kimmer,

Sometimes I can push the Back button, and get the text back. Then I can Highlight and Copy. Then Paste to a new post. If it has been a while, in developing my ideas, before posting my thoughts, I will Highlight and Copy my post, before pushing the Submit button. Sometimes I am more clear on my second re-typing, but sometimes I feel an idea or two gets lost. I approach posting ideas for others, as self-improvement for myself.
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