my fiance wants to "TRY" swinging but I'm pretty sure I CANT

my fiance wants to "TRY" swinging but I'm pretty sure I CANT

Postby TEASPOON 30 » Tue Nov 10, 2015 12:29 am

I think this thread is for men, but I starting typing this all out when I realized it might be. I hope you don't get upset i'm on this thread right now, but I have a situation a lot of guys may have been through. I am a lesbian and I have known my fiance now for 3 years and have been together for 10 months. We have a great relationship. When we started dating I knew she had been married and said she asked her then husband to try swinging and he refused. She was younger then. It may have been 8 years ago and now she's almost 34. We had a conversation about her wanting to swing in the beginning stages of our relationship.

I get worried and scared that if I don't participate in a swinging event at some point in the future, she may leave me. During our discussions, I asked her if I couldn't bring myself to do it, will that ruin our relationship. She said no... But what if it does? I love her very much and would never do anything to hurt her, but even though I knew this, I entered into a relationship with her. I am going to be honest here, I think I told her I was at least willing to go to the club but that might be all I can do! I am worried when the time comes, and we go to the club she might like what she sees and if I don't do it with her, she might end up leaving. I am feeling weird about this, because what if she likes what she sees and wants that life style after I go with her? Then i'm going to feel like it's my fault, I helped her leave me! I will say that I kind of think I said I would try to go with her to check it out, just to make her happy. I dont think i'm happy about me telling her that though, because that could turn out to be one big lie! Was I just trying to save a relationship based on lies I told her? I know if we make it over the next year or 2, she will bring it up that she's ready to go to the club and check it out!! Will I freeze up or will I go with her to appease her? Will I feel uncomfortable because she will want to explore this option more once we visit the club for the first time? I know, when I thought about someone else touching her, it makes me very sick to my stomach it made me feel like I was going to throw up!
TEASPOON 30
 
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Re: my fiance wants to "TRY" swinging but I'm pretty sure I

Postby PalePoetWarlord » Mon Jan 04, 2016 4:47 pm

I'm in no way an expert about any of this sort of thing, but here's my two cents.

You're telling us a lot of things that it seems like you should be telling her. Bad news doesn't get better with age. If you honestly do feel like you can go to the club just to see what it's all about, but you aren't sure if you can do it, tell her that. Tell her you agreed to it because you know it's something that you know she wants, but that you don't have any experience and don't know how you feel about it. My wife and I have a plethora of issues that we need to work through, but being open about what we're interested in sexually is not one of them. Things may have been awkward at first, but being open with someone about something so deeply personal, and in turn being the receiver of such private thoughts, has strengthened the bond that my wife and I have in the long run. So my advice, really, is to be open about your fears and apprehensiveness about the situation. Walking into the living room and word vomiting all of this is obviously not the way to do it. Give some thought to the things you want to tell her, and pick a time carefully. Be open in a way that you know she will be receptive. If she cares about you in return, she will consider how you feel about these things and not push too hard into something you're not ready to delve into. Maybe one day you will be. Maybe one day you won't, but in my experience, telling something that they want to hear, and then being unable to deliver only damages a relationship.
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