Wife supporting husband

Wife supporting husband

Postby lost » Sat Oct 18, 2008 9:45 pm

Hi,

I met my wife in 2002 and we hit it off great. She lived 1 hr from me then but at the time it did not matter. As we got serious, we started talking about moving and she told me that she does not want to move up north where I have a great career and that she wants to be with her family. I said that it's fine and we would figure this out. After 3 years, I think! of dating, we got engaged.

I quit my job (as it was getting slow at the time) and I got a job closer to where shes from. My current boss tried to keep me ($$$) and I turned it down. He sweetened the deal more, spoke to my then fiance, and I kept the job.

Now we live where shes from and my job is 86mi away one way and I go in 3x/week and work from home 2x/week.

My job is great, business is great and she sees me tired and all and we fight all the time now b/c she says I am not helping enough with our baby.

I wake up at 5am, drive to work and come home by 6.15pm and then take the baby, bath her, and take her so my wife takes some time to herself. I cant feed the baby b/c she wont take a bottle.

She still thinks I dont do enuf and that I dont appreciate the sacrafices she makes.

She stopped working to raise the baby and I feel she should have followed me to where my job is.

Now shes talking about moving up to where my job is and I am afraid she will resent me for ever b/c I forced her to move away from her family whom she does not see that often anyways.

I love her but why does she put wanting to be near her family over me?

Any advice?
-lost
lost
 
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Postby ThunderHorse » Mon Oct 20, 2008 7:21 am

How can you help your wife to feel she is still connected to her family?

When I was younger, I would take my wife wherever she wanted to visit, and find a couch to sleep on, while she visited. We brought our children, and they played.

Could you go to your wife's family's home on the weekends?

As I understand your post, your wife is willing to move closere to your job, which is furhter from her family. You arfe concerned that after yhou make the move closer to your job, that yhour wife will feeel resentment toward you for having caused her to be further from her family.

Having things to look forward to helps. If the topic of her family comes up, you can start making plans to visit her family a for a weekend. Having plans to visit may help a feeling of loss.

Chapter 6 in the Secrets of Married Men, is expect conflict, and deal with it. You can't avoid all conflict and blame.

Hook up video conferencing.



..
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Postby Tom » Thu May 07, 2009 11:18 pm

Hi Lost
So you and your wife have a new baby and she's very attached to her family. You love your baby and so does she. And you love your wife. Don't be so insecure. She loves you too. Don't be jealous of her family. Just get behind her and go with it. Don't try to get between her and her family. That won't work. Keep your job and provide for her and the baby as best you can. You don't count so much anymore you know. Your job now is to be the best father and husband that you can be. You went from number one to number three when your child was born. Stick with it and love them completely. Be strong and uncomplaining. They'll both be proud of you. In time there may be more children. Believe me there is nothing better and more satisfying than to be the father and husband in a family filled with love and respect. It's what God made us men for! Enjoy!
Tom
Tom
 
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Joined: Thu May 07, 2009 8:05 pm

Thanks Tom

Postby Scott Haltzman » Fri May 08, 2009 11:24 am

Really profound, and, I think, useful advice.
You have good insights. Thanks!
Scott
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Location: Barrington, RI


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