Living through the "change of life".

Living through the "change of life".

Postby Devoted » Tue Dec 23, 2008 1:54 pm

A question for you men who have lived through the “change of life” of your partner. My wife recently told me of her unhappiness with our marriage and have she didn’t feel any real “connection” with me any more. It was a wake-up call I heeded and I bought the good doctor’s book and have changed what I could to be a better partner for her. It has seemed to work for the most part but she still seems distant and seems to likes me being around more, but at the same time still sometimes says she feels trapped and unhappy. Now this is a woman whom I have spent pretty much the last 9,000 days with, and suddenly I don’t know how to act around her. Then I realized that for the first time that there were all sorts of other thing pissing her off that didn’t use to as well, like her work, some off the stuff with our sons, and she is even taking this winter personally. She has confronted people in strange ways and I believe she may be starting the menopause process. She is 52 and we have been married for 22 years, 3 boys, 21 and 16 year old twins. I really hate having this cloud over my head all the time that she is unhappy with me, but I am wondering if it may pass with the change.
If anyone has experienced this as well please respond. Thanks Devoted.
Devoted
 
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Postby moc » Mon Jan 05, 2009 9:03 am

Devoted, I have heard that this "change of life"/menopause is similar to a mid-life crisis/transition from what I have researched. There are a number of sites that help both men and women cope with these difficult times (PM me if you want me to send the main one I am using). I feel for you, as my wife is moving through a mid-life transition as you may read in the communication section on this forum.

From my perusing, and not that I have 100% knowledge of nor have I come to grips with, being lovingly supportive is the best possible thing to do. Continue to cherish your wife in the ways you have pursued from Dr. Haltzmans book and hang in there. One of the ways that I am discovering is to make a list of affirmations about yourself that can make you stronger. Keep the list with you and review it often. These changes in life are not about you but yes we become the collateral damage. Keep yourself in good physical and mental state as she wrestles with the changes. Hopefully the cloud will dissipate for you and she will realize what is happening and seek help with you.

I am by no means a guide but a friend to you that is living through this with my wife. I am making mistakes as I go along and continue to lean on my support group of family, friends and church. They are a blessing and help me try to be mentally stable. If this is similar to my situation, this isn't about you. It's about self-esteem, looking back on the life and choices/decisions made, and reflection.
moc
 
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