My wife wants me to move out

[JSH13]

I haven't been the best husband and after 5 years of marriage my wife would like me to move out. She deals with depression and at time I do not know how to handle it. I often shut down and retreat. We share a 4 yo daughter and a 12 yo from her previous marriage. I love my wife my family and want to save our marriage. We have been for the last month sleeping in different room and haven't kissed in some time. It kills me that I have allowed it to get this far and am living in regret. She wanted a divorce and has said she will be moving at the end of the school year to a town 3 hours away. I don’t want my daughter to be ripped away from me so don’t know what direction to take. She has asked in the past to go to counseling and we did one time but she quite because she said the lady wasn’t good enough and she wanted the best to save our marriage. With the up and down of depression I never sought help when time were good and never wanted when it was bad. She often became very verbally abusive toward me and so I would shut down hide. I do love her and want help but at this point she says she not sure if we can stay together. I asked her today if she wanted to work things out.... after a very long pause she said she is day-to-day and not sure. We have a couple weeks of school left and probably an additional 4 weeks to close down here business and them I am guessing she will be gone. I am so lost at this point I really have no idea what to do.

[justaguy]

Just a suggestion, if you think she's clinically depressed you might want to talk to your doctor, see if there is a chemical imbalance she's suffering from. There's no guarantee that will help you in your situation, but you have more of a chance if there are no physical complications. My current girl friend went through a stage of depression, her MD helped her put her life back together. She ended up leaving her guy anyway, but at least she knew it wasn't because of her depression. It was because he intentionally irritated her and made her life miserable. Wish I could be more positive, but, it's hard to come back from where you are. Good luck.

[Ksmith2]

It seems as though your wife is dealing with a serious form of clinical depression. Because of her depression she seems to go through phases of different feelings, she is unsure of what she wants out of your relationship and what decisions she will make in the future regarding your marriage and custody of your daughter. Has your wife ever sought counseling for her depression, or mediation for any of your conflicts through a relationship counselor? Talking to a professional may be the best way to handle this situation.
According to Dr. Haltzman, “Most divorces occur during the first decade of marriage and are usually due to infidelity, jealousy, growing apart, foolish spending behavior, drinking and drug abuse and communication difficulties.” Furthermore he goes on to state that “The decision to divorce is a complex one that is usually the result of a long series of smaller events that unfold over a long period of time.” It is important that the decision of whether or not to divorce be made with a clear mind and after careful consideration, especially when a child is involved and in your case, will be moved a long distance away from home. Dr. Haltzman lists depression, anxiety, substance abuse, aggressive and promiscuous behaviors as just a few of the many things that can happen in children of divorced parents.
In attempting to fix the relationship between you and your wife you should first and foremost consider counseling to try and remediate any problems that are most evident. Also, treating your wife’s depression will help in discovering what she really wants and needs which will benefit not only your relationship but her personal health and well being and that of your daughter. Major decisions such as divorce should be made with a clear mind and after careful consideration, and your wife’s depression may be clouding her judgment on what is best or what can be done to help solve whatever problems are currently present in your relationship.