My wife seems miserably unhappy...am I too impatient?

My wife seems miserably unhappy...am I too impatient?

Postby Johnboy78 » Sat Jun 13, 2009 8:52 am

I have been married for less than three months. Before marriage and shortly after my wife seemed madly in love with me. She would do anything to try and keep me happy. She was sweet, loving, fun and extremely sexual. She basically slept on top of me every night and would want to hold me/be held as long as possible before we had to get up in the morning. Suddenly about three weeks ago she completely changed. She became cold and hateful...she is completely distant and doesnt seem to want anything to do with me. She can barely stand to sleep in the same bed with me with our backs to each other hanging off our own sides of the bed. She refuses counseling and when I try to express my feeling and concerns she either blows it off and refuses to acknowledge or becomes hostile. She doesn't seem to care if we are happy and basically wants me to shut up and deal with it. She has three children from previous marriages and I have one. She resents my child and complains about her being around occasionally despite the fact that I didn't hesitate to take her three on full time. She want me to move away from my family and child to get closer to her mother and I am afraid that if I do this things will only get worse because being around her mother and in her own surroundings only increases her cockiness and hatefulness. She says she is going with or without me. Can this be the way its going to be for the rest of the marriage only two and a half months into it??? She seems completely indifferent and I am getting more and more frustrated with her and the whole situation. I can't do anything with her but if we get divorced it will be my second and her third and we don't want that....that seems to be the only thing that we both want but I can't live the rest of my life like this. I am starting to feel like marrying her was a mistake and having alot of serious genuine regrets and doubts about us. I am trying real hard but it is getting really hard not to be full of resentment and just be distant myself....seems to make things easier. We are more like two room mates that are bound in a lease together and are just trying to tolerate each others existence than a married couple. And to top it all off we just found out we are expecting last week and that only makes it harder to try and end this would be short lived marriage. Im at the end of my rope and don't have a clue what to do at this point. I just feel trapped in a bad situation. Please help...
Johnboy78
 
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Joined: Sat Jun 13, 2009 7:48 am

Postby ThunderHorse » Tue Oct 20, 2009 11:19 pm

Pregnancy creates radical hormone changes in a woman. Since pregnancy is a sacred event, the facts are somewhat glorified. The reality is that estrogen, and probably other female hormone levels change during pregnancy. Three weeks ago is when she became pregnant. Hang on for a tough ride. If you bring the child into the world, your wife will than be more of a mother, than your wife. This will be a new challenge to face.

Try to be pleasant, but be ready to back off. Try to encourage your wife to develop a support structure of other people with whom she can vent and relate. I was clueless, and thought my wife was being deliberately manipulative in her occasional tirades when she was pregnant. I did not know that emotional outbursts were part of the pregnancy experience. I didn't even have any exit strategies in place to allow me to leave the home for the night.

If your wife is just being cold, you are lucky, so far. Educate your wife about the emotional roller coaster of pregnancy emotions, and make some plans of how to handle her sudden needs for time alone, or time away from your presence. As the husband, you will be blamed for everything imaginable. You will rarely see the woman you married, probably just occasional glimpses.

Try to listen for little opportunities to help her with little things she craves suddenly. Like go looking for Pistachio ice cream at 3 AM.

You may be better to delay starting a family, but it will be difficult to get advice that is balanced. Many religious people feel it is OK to be manipulative in family planning couinseling.


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ThunderHorse
 
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