What to do if your wife is clearly WRONG? Yes, dear???

What to do if your wife is clearly WRONG? Yes, dear???

Postby EasternWestern » Mon Jan 18, 2010 4:21 pm

Hi, I know that "Yes, dear" get a lot of men success in marriage, but what can you do if you wife is clearly screwing things up--she's wrong! If I try to stop her, she just gets angry, and does what she wants anyway. Case in point in paragraph two.

She started a jewelry business with one of those work from home multi-level marketing businesses. She dumped nearly $3,000 into jewelry and has made maybe $100 dollars profit so far--after months. She doesn't even keep a spreadsheet to keep track of her income/expenses! I told her you can't run a business this way but she just waves me away saying she'll get to it later. Actually, she's in denial about how badly it's going and she'd rather have her head in the sand.

We're not doing that great financially, and she keeps squandering money that's very valuable. Do I say,"yes dear, you are always right, keep spending our money if you think it's right?"

Keep in mind that my wife is super stubborn and never admits she's wrong. She is impervious to logic and still does what she wants regardless of how nicely I try to tell her that she ought to quit this business.

What should I do?
Posts: 1
Joined: Mon Jan 18, 2010 4:05 pm

Postby ThunderHorse » Wed Jan 20, 2010 7:28 am

There are at least two phases of communication. One phase is the "Yest Dear" phase, where I try to listent o my wife unconditionally, upt to some 15 minutes per day.

Another phase is the difficutl discussion. Timing ans phrasing of difficult discussions is important.

If you feel that a spread sheet would be helpful for her to evaluate her business decisions, you might take a little time to make out some spread sheets. You may not have accurate figures, but you can start with the format. Leave some blanks on the print-out for her to fill in the blanks. The IRS C form and business use of the home forms might give you some ideas of how to start.

If she is not losing money, what are your objections to the business?

Do you have the family budget on a spread sheet?

Do you have a tax accuntant that can give you a supporting opinon?

If your wife was not spending time selling jewlery, what would you prefer she be doing?

In what other ways is your wife dismissive of your opinions?

Posts: 636
Joined: Mon Jul 31, 2006 6:10 pm

Re: What to do if your wife is clearly WRONG? Yes, dear???

Postby codeirobrown » Mon Dec 03, 2012 10:23 pm

So your wife is squandering your savings into a business that may never take off and she will not listen to any reasoning that you have in stopping her? You have tried to tell her to quit the business and she’s in denial about how badly it is going. Your wife is so stubborn and will never admit she is wrong and you wonder if there is anything besides pacifying her with a “yes, dear” every time.

According to Dr. Scott Haltzman, the fifth way to being a happily married man is to learn to listen. I know you seem like you have done a lot of listening to her but Scott means, “sit quietly without distractions.. grunt occasionally to let her know you heard...Let your wife talk, and let her know you are listening. Before offering suggestions to problem-solve, ask her whether she wants advice or whether she just wants you to listen. You’d be surprised how appreciative she will be that you are just a good ear.”

Dr. Haltzman’s advice is relevant to your situation because it seems like you and your wife do not get to sit down and talk about the decisions she makes, not only because she may be stubborn and doesn’t want to hear what you have to say, but because you have a “yes, dear” attitude towards her. It is obvious that her decisions do not include your reasoning but it is also obvious that sitting down in a quiet room with the TV off and no distractions to interrupt the two of you would be good for marital success. If you let her know that all you want to do is listen to her thoughts and feelings about everything going on in the present time, then she will be more receptive to sharing with your her inner feelings of denial about her business. So do not look at this as trying to stop her in her spontaneous, unorganized plans but trying to help her with them and listen to what she is keeping inside.

My advice to you would be the same as Dr. Scott’s in that you should listen to her and offer solutions to her problems when she will welcome them. Because from my perspective, it seems as though she shuts you out because she knows all you want to do is stop her in her plans. That is not an abnormal reaction either, and nobody is condemning you for it. But she needs to open up in a quiet space about her feelings of denial and her business plans and any other major decisions to be made in your marriage. You and your wife could even go to a counsellor if you cannot get away from the distractions in your own home.
Posts: 3
Joined: Mon Dec 03, 2012 7:04 pm

Return to Making Your Spouse Happy

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 8 guests