by codeirobrown » Mon Dec 03, 2012 10:23 pm
So your wife is squandering your savings into a business that may never take off and she will not listen to any reasoning that you have in stopping her? You have tried to tell her to quit the business and she’s in denial about how badly it is going. Your wife is so stubborn and will never admit she is wrong and you wonder if there is anything besides pacifying her with a “yes, dear” every time.
According to Dr. Scott Haltzman, the fifth way to being a happily married man is to learn to listen. I know you seem like you have done a lot of listening to her but Scott means, “sit quietly without distractions.. grunt occasionally to let her know you heard...Let your wife talk, and let her know you are listening. Before offering suggestions to problem-solve, ask her whether she wants advice or whether she just wants you to listen. You’d be surprised how appreciative she will be that you are just a good ear.”
Dr. Haltzman’s advice is relevant to your situation because it seems like you and your wife do not get to sit down and talk about the decisions she makes, not only because she may be stubborn and doesn’t want to hear what you have to say, but because you have a “yes, dear” attitude towards her. It is obvious that her decisions do not include your reasoning but it is also obvious that sitting down in a quiet room with the TV off and no distractions to interrupt the two of you would be good for marital success. If you let her know that all you want to do is listen to her thoughts and feelings about everything going on in the present time, then she will be more receptive to sharing with your her inner feelings of denial about her business. So do not look at this as trying to stop her in her spontaneous, unorganized plans but trying to help her with them and listen to what she is keeping inside.
My advice to you would be the same as Dr. Scott’s in that you should listen to her and offer solutions to her problems when she will welcome them. Because from my perspective, it seems as though she shuts you out because she knows all you want to do is stop her in her plans. That is not an abnormal reaction either, and nobody is condemning you for it. But she needs to open up in a quiet space about her feelings of denial and her business plans and any other major decisions to be made in your marriage. You and your wife could even go to a counsellor if you cannot get away from the distractions in your own home.