First, Thank You for your service to the Free World.
Sorry the PTSD is bothering you.
There are a limited number of things in your control, but lets look see.
My wife likes the aroma of Men's after shave Aramis, from Macy's. You might try various scents, to see if there is one she complains about less than others.
I use powder, for deoderant, because spray or roll on deoderant bothers me. Something like Tom Wood deoderant is supposed tobe pleasant.
lost and sad wrote: ...i get put down and called names everytime we see each other. ---but she saids im ugly and i smell.
![Sad :(](./images/smilies/icon_sad.gif)
One way to define part of the problem, is to identify verbal abuse. Certainly, there may be more to the picture, but you are in control of how you respond to what might be defined as abusive remarks, or impolite, inconsiderate, comments.
This may take some practice, to change the way you now respond. Mayvbe you are just politely quiet, but I am suggesting the Boring Baroque Resonse by Suzette Elgin. What is wrong wtih polite silence, is that your wife knows she has gravveled your gut, and hurt you with her comments. Being politely silent is not going to get the respect you need from her, to create her love back again.
Part of the response can be to encourage her to vent, so you can listen to all her ideas. At least she is talking to you. Are you arguing with her? Hard Looks?
There are a number of Secrets threads which discuss verbal abuse, and Listening.
VERBAL ABUSE THREADS
Post No 2 provides suggestions for a wife to deal with verbal abuse from a husband. Post No 12 discusses incorporating Compliments into blithering pleasantries in response to spousal abuse.
http://www.secretsofmarriedmen.com/phpB ... ight=abuse
List of Secrets threads on verbal abuse before April 18, 2010
http://www.secretsofmarriedmen.com/phpB ... ight=abuse
Second post on this thread lists other threads and references on Verbal Abuse:
http://www.secretsofmarriedmen.com/phpB ... ight=abuse
Recent thread on Verbal abuse, with references, Second Post to Husband who was abusive, but whose wife has turned abusive.
http://www.secretsofmarriedmen.com/phpB ... ight=abuse
LISTENING
1. When someone has said something, try repeating back what you heard. Then ask, “Did I get that right?”
2. If you heard wrong, seek clarification.
3. If you heard right, ask if there’s anything else the speaker would like to share.
4. Continue to seek clarification until the speaker says he or she feels heard.
5. Finally summarize what you heard. By then, if you have a different point of view, the person you are talking to it will be open to hear it.
http://www.secretsofmarriedmen.com/phpB ... highlight=
3rd post by Social Distortion
Compliments for husbands to give wives during listening sessions:
http://www.secretsofmarriedmen.com/phpB ... .php?t=477
8th Post Down 15 Min Listening
http://www.secretsofmarriedmen.com/phpB ... ght=listen
2nd Post Down 15 Min Listening
http://www.secretsofmarriedmen.com/phpB ... ght=listen
3rd Post Down, Gives some phrases for a husband to be encouraging wife to talk.
http://www.secretsofmarriedmen.com/phpB ... ght=listen
Husband has wife who says she hates him, Listening discussed:
http://www.secretsofmarriedmen.com/phpB ... ght=listen
Post 2, 7 and 12 discuss the Love diet of offering to listen several times a day, even when your wife is usually not interested in talking,
http://www.secretsofmarriedmen.com/phpB ... light=diet
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