Over the course of our marriage of 18 months, and dating for 6 months, my wife and I have had several trust issues that I have been the cause of. The catalyst of these trust issues was her previous husband, but I made many of the same mistakes he did early on. Some of my previous mistakes had been myspace women surfing, pornography, and once a flirtatious comment online.
This launched huge suspicions into my phone, computer, and everyday conversations with co-workers. I understand that I caused this, and dealt with every confrontation it caused. From shortly before we married she had trust issues with me, but we got married anyway and now have a 9 month old son.
Our latest confrontation, which has both of us at a breaking point, is over a co-worker that has needed a ride to work every workday for a month. The first time I drove this girl, my wife told me that she had a problem with it, but didnt ask me to not continue driving her (a month later she revealed thats when I should have stopped and I agree). I continued to pick her up and drop her off at work, where we both work in the same physical office.
I'm in the military so we are consistently told to watch out for one another. This situation had me divided between being a good soldier and being a good husband, at the time. Now I realize that she should just have gotten someone else to drive her instead of risking my already extremely fragile marriage.
I told my wife that I would stop driving her after a week, but she said it would be okay, if:
* I told her the night before whether I was driving the other woman the next day.
* I told her everytime I drove the other woman.
* I told her every detail of every conversation I had with this or any other woman.
* and she must meet the other girl. (tho everytime I invited her to something fun ((superbowl, hockey game, out drinking)), the girl bailed which made our relationship look even more suspicious)
Foolishly I agreed, and failed miserably several times over the next few weeks. After failing this agreement twice in two days, she became very serious about leaving me and taking our son so that I would never find either of them.
Apologizing does nothing as my word now means nothing to her. Promising not to ever let the other girl in the car and actually doing this made an unnoticable difference, but proved to her undoubtedly that my wife means more. She feels betrayed for another woman, tired of me breaking promises, and surely exhausted of feeling this way for so long.
I deploy in a month with this other woman to a combat zone. My wife needs to be able to trust me gone for a year with this woman, which seems impossible to both of us. She has given me the opportunity to make this right, but I have no idea how. Roses, love notes, and telling her I love her and how much she means to me will do nothing to solve this.
I need a real solution. Not a quick fix. The trust we need is going to take a long time for me to earn back, but the problem right now is how to resolve THIS one. Thank you.