Am I doomed? Please. How can i get her to stop hating me?

Am I doomed? Please. How can i get her to stop hating me?

Postby born-loser » Sat Apr 09, 2011 5:04 pm

Okay here it goes.

I am 30 and she is 52.
I work and she doesn't but for years she supported us 100% of the time.

I moved from Canada and she is from the Philippines and on our very first date she told me of her 5 year plan to move back to her homeland after her 23 years in the USA.

After we fell in love she and I decided to be part of that plan together but after six years we are stuck and we have had so many bad fights that she tells me she hates me.

I try so hard but fail. Fail to clean up properly. To earn enough money (I'm strictly commission sales) failure to listen.

She and I don't communicate and when we do get along okay eventually she turns nasty and says she's remembering six years of my broken promises.

She tells me she saw so much in me and so did my uncle that brought me to the USA from Canada and that my time is running out.

I have no high school diploma and we have zero money to send me to school with. She is dead right that my potential has failed. I work promoting timeshare and have had like seven jobs in four years.
She worked so hard to carry me form so long I now desperately want to return the favor. It's hard to work when you want to cry. Especially sales.
I procrastinate because it all involves money. The car is broken (ac not working) and i put off fixing it because we are struggling to pay bills so much.

She won't work because she says she has zero motivation and now this December were going to the Philippines but indont think she wants to return. She keeps asking me "why did i return last summer from vacation?" and I can't answer her at all.

If I had about $20,000 saved I would just not return home one day so she would be happy finally.

That's all I really want but when it seems we are okay she just starts yelling again when the tiniest thing happens.

I feel like drinking just about every single day now. That's very disfunctional. I have zero addictions but alcoholism is a common thread in my family.

I can't even work because all I can think is that if i don't make $150 that day i have failed us again.

This seems so... Unfixable.
What can I do. Please help me.
Posts: 1
Joined: Sat Apr 09, 2011 4:47 pm

Postby ThunderHorse » Sun Apr 10, 2011 11:27 am

What if having you to complain about, is what makes her happy?

Where is the AA coffee bar?
Posts: 636
Joined: Mon Jul 31, 2006 6:10 pm

Postby socialdistortion » Mon Apr 11, 2011 9:36 am

Dear Born-Loser,

I read your posting. Let me see if I am getting this all right…

You are a 30 year old Canadian man that moved here with his uncle. You are in love with a woman who is a native from the Philippines and wants to return to her country as planned five years ago. You have been together for 6 years. She has supported you financially for the entire relationship. She is frustrated with you because you have very little income, very little motivation, very little education and can’t seem to keep a job. She yells at you all the time so you don’t work, procrastinate and drink alcohol daily. You currently have no money, but if you had $20,000 you would just go home. Also, the air conditioner in your car is currently broken. Is this all correct?

My Question- Are you married or just dating? I need to know this as my advice is significantly dependent on this factor.

Update me.

Social Distortion
Posts: 80
Joined: Wed Apr 21, 2010 8:20 am

Re: Am I doomed? Please. How can i get her to stop hating me

Postby thetruth3 » Sun Nov 27, 2011 11:23 am

I read your post, and to answer your question, yes, you are doomed. But I can help. You made a promise to the woman you love that you will fulfill her most treasured and most desired dreams, but now five years have passed. Your communication skills with your wife are atrocious; you do not have any money. You’re working a dead end job, and for the icing on the cake, you have no high school diploma. The result is that all of the problems listed above are the opposite of what you should be doing to make your wife happy.
Dr. Haltzman Scott said that one of the secrets of a happily married man is to “know your wife,” meaning show her you’re still trying. Tell her that you’re still going to build her dreams with your two hands. Secondly Dr. Scott said “learn to listen.” You don’t communicate with your wife because you’re afraid of having a conflict, but you have to “expect conflict and learn to deal with it;” another thing mentioned in Dr. Scott’s book.
If you have a fight with your wife again, agree with anything she says. For your job and education, you can still work full time and go to school full time. After applying for schools, tell her to give you four more years, and tell her that that not only will her dreams come true, but you will build her a house in her country. Give your wife what she want, let her know you’re trying, and give it time and thing will get better.
Posts: 2
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 2:24 pm

Return to Making Your Spouse Happy

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 6 guests