Interrupting Disrespect, Habit Assistance for Spouse

[ThunderHorse]

Rejection Phrases.

It is sometimes important interrupt and reject a communication from a spouse or co-worker, when the communication is less than optimally respectful or considerate. People form habits, and if you establish that you don’t mind inconsiderate treatment, then the spouse or co-worker may sometimes form a habit of mistreating you.

Hanging up on a spouse, or walking away from a co-worker can be an abrupt confrontational ploy. In order to avoid an unintended reward of the inconsiderate treatment, it would be ideal to have phrases in mind, to get your point across, without throwing a temper tantrum.

Respectful considerate gibberish is one option for dealing with unnecessarily negative idea from your spouse or co-worker. (Suzette Elgin)

Interrupting, Rejection Phrases:

1. I find your approach inconsiderate, so I am going to hang up the phone now, and please call me back in 10 minutes, if you have thought of a more considerate approach. Hang Up, click.

2. The way you are presenting this concept to me seems demeaning to me. I have to take care of …. At such and such location, and I will be available in 20 minutes at …… I would appreciate it if you would think of an approach that does not seem to imply that I am the total cause of this problem.

[ThunderHorse]

3. I appreciate your efforts on, (Compliment). Right now, I am feeling that you are not being as considerate to me in our discussion of the subject of …….. So I would prefer to talk about something else. Can you delay discussing …….. untill you have thought of a kinder approach to my feelings?
Considerate

4. As a participant in a conversation, you can refuse to continue discussing a subject, by simply repeating, "Can we change the subject?" Non-emotional non responsiveness, is a non-reward when someone is pushing our buttons. People develop unconscious habits of getting an emotional rise from us, and we can either allow the pushing buttons habit to flourish, or we can avoid giving unintended rewards to the individual button pusher.


5. Can you summarize your points on the subject of __________. I am feeling we could have a more constructive dialogue, but I apparently need some time to come up with a more constructive approach.


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[confusedmanhood]

These are great suggestions. Thank you!

[ThunderHorse]

One manner of being disrepectful is when my wife decides to point out some aspect of reality, from a perspective, from which I am wrong, or otherwise fall short. I call this "Make-Wrong".

Money and God can be used to find some way, in which I am wrong.

Money: I should have shopped longer for a better brgain. I spnet more than necessary on whatever I might have bought.

Religion. There is some aspect of faith for which I am not devoting as much of my life to some aspect, as possible, or ideal.


But there is an ODD aspect to things. Oppositional Defiant Disorder. I personally enjoy making other people appear wrong. I enjoy showing my boss he is wrong. But I recognize this natural impulse of defiance in myself, and discipline myself to avoid contradicing people at work. My wife and son have the Oppositional Defiant tendency, and I understand their perspective, but it is annoying that they do not admit their tendencies. If my wife and son could admit their oppositional tendencies, they could get along better. It is annoying that they sometimes use frivolous reasons to justify opposing my ideas, just to be oppositional.

So I try to state my suggestions in a calm manner, and work through the objections they raise. By persevering, I usaully outlast their oppositonal natures, and arrive at some halfway reasonable compromise.


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