happily married woman to a happily married guy

[inday]

i am married to the most wonderful guy. Not perfect but no complaines.
He generous with gifts even though not rich.. diamonds, travel abroad, just ask and he will try to give.
He is wonderful father and the kids love him and I love him too.
I am turning 52 and married 25 yrs.
Suddenly I met someone married and fall in love at sight. Can't sleep, cant eat, just thingking about him, praying that he will feel the same.
The worst thing is I know I will lose everything.. nice beautiful house, wonderful kids, great loving husband, move another country.
Not one, one good reason why to leave. And yet given a chance (I asked deep in my heart) if he feel the same like me, i will turn my back to all what I have and earned all these years and be with him even for few years.

I am what you call a brain in the head, smart, reliable, decent, wonderful mom, loving and caring housewife.
Why?? because for so many years I have not have these feeling of being high school again, young silly woman in love.
So what.. I will be 60 in few years why not enjoy my remaining few youngger years.
Am I not normal??

[Scott Haltzman]

Hi Inday,
Thanks for joining the boards.
You ask if you are normal. I don't know. But…are the feelings your are having normal? Yes, absolutely.
You write: "Suddenly I met someone married and fall in love at sight. Can't sleep, cant eat, just thingking about him, praying that he will feel the same.The worst thing is I know I will lose everything." You then say that you'd do it, because those feelings that you had in HS just haven't been around for a while.

What are the odds that that high school type buzz will stay when you are with this guy 25 years from now?
What kind of message do you want to give your children about how they should handle their marriages when they feel that buzz toward someone else, or, alternatively, how will you feel if the boy or girl that your kids fall in love with and devote their lives to decide to leave them because they found someone new?

It's perfectly normal to feel less of that amazing energy after 25 years together. When I treat couples in this situation, I recommend finding ways to bring back more positive energy into the relationship. I've written tons of articles about this: studies show that introducing novelty into relationships, doing things differently, spending some time apart, and finding each other again, can help to bring sparks back.

Ultimately the feeling of wanting to stray is normal, but then the feeling of wanting to beat up your boss on a bad day, or the desire to eat off of someone's plate when you are hungry and waiting to be served at a restaurant.

But as moral beings, as people who have made promises to others (and to society at large) normal feelings shouldn't be acted on all the time.

Keep us posted!

Scott

(NB: contributions by Scott Haltzman are re comment meant to foster discussion and not intended to reflect medical treatment or advice)