Praying Together to Set Priorites

[ThunderHorse]

A few weeks ago, I had a disgreement with my wife, and to express my frustration, I refused to pray with her. We had prayed off and on together, and I parayed with her more to please her.

This morning my wife was complaining about some bad luck we had encountered. We have several options to consider, none of the options are really ideal. So it is selecting between several, less-than-ideal options.

After listening to my wife's complaints for a while, I suggested that we pray. I lead the prayer, while holding my wife's hand. She was seated, I was standing. I prayed for wisdom for God to help us to choose the best option, and listed out several of the options.

My wife seemed encouraged by my spiritual leadership. Asking for wisdom is in the Book of Solomon, in the Old Testament, if my memory is correct

Chapter 10 in THE SECRETS OF HAPPILY MARRIED MEN has a section on "It's All About Values". I am indirectly telling my wife what I want to do with the situation, by listing the options, so she can see why I am choosing the option I desire. But I am not rushing to impliment my decision. I am letting her participate, and I am taking time to let her come to see my point of view.

My seletion of an option is not so important to me, that I cannot change my decision, if my wife has some strong feelings about a differetn, particular option. My wife has been wringing her hands and dragging her feet. I am of the opinion that if bad luck happens, you treat yourself extra good. I believe I should reward myself for doing good. If something bad happens, when I am doing good, that is just the Book of Job.

Trials come up to try to shake your faith, and convince you that it is a waste of time, or futile, to do good. So maybe another part of the prayer could be, to ask God to show us blessings to recognize that our good efforts, where bad luck was encountered, were Holy, Valiant and Correct, and deserving of Blessings.



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[Daniel Bradley]

I'm not sure if I understand you correctly. I feel like I am missing a few pieces in your post. Because I do not know the specific nature of your situation it is hard to be specific in reply, but here are some things to consider as you sift through the situation.

1. What place/role does prayer have in your relationship?
After considering this open-ended question, consider these possible follow-ups:
Is prayer a way to control your married life, or to surrender it to God?
What is your prayer as a couple like in other situations, and how is that different from this context for your prayer?

2. Though every situation may not be the best time to pray as a couple, it sounds like you may be witholding prayer as a way to gain leverage in the discussion of options. This in the end is neither prayer, nor a healthy way of relating - to God or your wife. Consider whether or not this is on topic, and use or dismiss it and move on to #3.

3. Are you gathering all the information you need to, and then looking at the options dispassionately? Can you try living yes and no to each of the possible choices over the course of a week, and seeing which option seems to offer each of you and both of you the most peace? For example, if you have three options, go about Monday as if option 1 is your decision and see how you feel throughout the day, and at the end. Tuesday, go about things as if option 2 were the choice, and then Wednesday option three. Ask how you felt about it each time, and what thoughts occured to confirm or question that option each time. Then compare the experiences, and critique them.

4. Realize that God's will for you is more eaily discerned in the big picture - i.e. reasonable happiness in this life and eternal happiness in the next. Meanwhile, in the concrete decisions we must make while journeying home to God with each other, what will ultimately keeps you on track in your journey? These more concrete decisions meant to support our ultimate goal are often more challenging to sort out, expecially in a case such as yours where you are working with what seem like less than ideal circumstances/options.

5. I wonder if you can ask yourself, what is the best choice (if there were no constraints on your options) you could possibly create. Then compare that to what seem to be your real life options. Think AND pray about that and see what becomes clearer or mirkier.

With prayerful support,
Dan

[ThunderHorse]

I'm not sure if I understand you correctly. I feel like I am missing a few pieces in your post. Because I do not know the specific nature of your situation it is hard to be specific in reply, but here are some things to consider as you sift through the situation.


1. What place/role does prayer have in your relationship?
After considering this open-ended question, consider these possible follow-ups:
Is prayer a way to control your married life, or to surrender it to God?
What is your prayer as a couple like in other situations, and how is that different from this context for your prayer?

In addition to control and surrender, I also seek wisdom that comes from describing my situation in words, together with options that I perceive currently, and releasing the ideas from my conscious mind, to turn the problem over to the subconscious, spirit and God.

2. Though every situation may not be the best time to pray as a couple, it sounds like you may be witholding prayer as a way to gain leverage in the discussion of options. This in the end is neither prayer, nor a healthy way of relating - to God or your wife. Consider whether or not this is on topic, and use or dismiss it and move on to #3.

I mention the incident of my refusal to pray with my wife, as a way to contrast the advantages of using prayer more often, rather than less often. Sometimes I feel that my wife uses a request to pray together as a means of manipulating me, and I then feel resentful, and not in a proper framework to use prayer. I agree that a stratgegy of withholding prayer as a technique of gainng leverage in a marriage, is usally not the ideal approach.

3. Are you gathering all the information you need to, and then looking at the options dispassionately? Can you try living yes and no to each of the possible choices over the course of a week, and seeing which option seems to offer each of you and both of you the most peace? For example, if you have three options, go about Monday as if option 1 is your decision and see how you feel throughout the day, and at the end. Tuesday, go about things as if option 2 were the choice, and then Wednesday option three. Ask how you felt about it each time, and what thoughts occured to confirm or question that option each time. Then compare the experiences, and critique them.

Trying various options in practical applications is probably a good idea for some situations. I will have to try to keep that in mind.

4. Realize that God's will for you is more eaily discerned in the big picture - i.e. reasonable happiness in this life and eternal happiness in the next. Meanwhile, in the concrete decisions we must make while journeying home to God with each other, what will ultimately keeps you on track in your journey? These more concrete decisions meant to support our ultimate goal are often more challenging to sort out, expecially in a case such as yours where you are working with what seem like less than ideal circumstances/options.

I am sometimes tempted to assign blame to my wife for shortfalls in the marriage or family. Instead, I should find ways to try to be more productive, and sacrifice for myself. The point I glean from "Journeying back to God" is that I will have to stand before Judgement, for my actions, and excuses of blaming my wife for my inaction, may sound a little weak.

5. I wonder if you can ask yourself, what is the best choice (if there were no constraints on your options) you could possibly create. Then compare that to what seem to be your real life options. Think AND pray about that and see what becomes clearer or mirkier.

Thinking of the ideal changes in the situation may be a good step in formulating the words for a prayer. I once took a course in prayer, from SCIENCE OF MIND, I believe. I have not reviewed those steps for a while. The last step is to let the problem go from our conscious minds. Anoterh part of the process of prayer was to try to expansively create a concept of all possible positive solutions, and pray with a vision of a wide possibility of positiive outcomes. One concept somone mentioned to me, to end a prayer, was, "And I pray for even better solutions than I have been able to conceptualize in my prayers today"

With prayerful support,
Dan

Thank you for your thoughtful response.