I am new here!

[confusedmanhood]

Hello, I am a first time poster. I am a 48 year old man who is married to a woman from another country. The sex life hardly exists. The attraction not that strong towards her. I doubt she has a strong attraction to me either. She is never romantic. I think I could have done better in the looks department. Sounds mean, I know. We have a child.

I think I need men's support because my wife is so very controlling. We do not see eye to eye on anything. If I say blue she says white. She is an extremely strong controlling woman. Sometimes I feel like I am married to a man, not a woman. I FEEL EMASCULATED MANY TIMES!

I am getting verbal abuse from a gay woman at work. She keeps reminding me that my wife wears the pants in the family. I know that is my fault for opening up too much.

I really do need a men's support group. I love woman. I want women. But they sure make life really difficult!

I suppose I could have written my feelings better. But I am warn out.

Is there any help for us men out there?

[confusedmanhood]

Well I guess I will find another men's group.
There are some good posts here that I will read and learn from.
But as for support this is not the place.
bye

[Scott Haltzman]

Hey Confused,
Sometimes we get more traffic here than other times.
Glad you dropped in, sorry to see you go.
You're right in seeing support of men; perhaps you'll find a way to appreciate your wife for who she is (and not worry about what the women at work say!)
By the way, when she says "white" try saying "white"!

Be Well,

Scott

[dragonlilly]

Hello. So let me see if I understand this correctly. You married a women from out of the country. You also mention there is no sex life and no attraction to one another. If you think back, was there ever a true connection on either side in the beginning? Another thing you mentioned was she is very controlling and you both don’t see eye to eye. Marriages don’t always see eye to eye. Lastly you stated about the gay women at your job making comments. If you don’t want to hear the comments then it’s probably best to keep your personal life personal.

There is a theory called the Social and Personality Development. The Social and Personality Development for Attachment is an emotional bond between infant and caregiver. Dr Misiurski says “ If a person has minimal significant attachments to the caregiver, in childhood, they won’t have a good relationship.” My notes also state that the caregiver didn’t necessarily have to be the parents. It would have been whomever raise the child.

I came to this theory because of the way your wife has been acting. She has no attachment to you at all. There is no sex, she argues with everything you have to say. It seems she pretty much does whatever she wants. I don’t believe your wife ever learn what a healthy relationship entails. It also doesn’t seems he learned how to compromise.
You’re not ever going to agree on anything but I truly believe you also have to stand your ground on your point of view. I call it agreeing to disagree. You personal life should just be that… personal. Stop telling the lady at work your business. Since you don’t seem all that attractive to her either, then you should ask yourself some hard questions. Do you want to live the rest of your life the way it is going with all the stress? Maybe it’s time to put your foot down and hold your ground on an issue, let her be upset. I believe that to be perfectly fine. I don’t always like my husband’s response but I deal with it. I think it’s great to find a men’s group. There are people there to listen to what is going on, someone might be going through the same thing and can related, and maybe someone in the group already went through something similar and can offer some advice. Just remember you can talk and get advice for as long as you feel necessary but if you want change… Only you can change it.