One-way relationship

[Skippykangaroo]

My wife seems to only want to be with me when there is something in it for her. It seems like she only goes places with me if it is where she wants to go otherwise she is too busy. There are lots of other things too. I think she is playing the game of wanting always for me to do the chasing and running around, always her way. I am getting fed up of the games, 20 years now. How can I turn this around? Any ideas?

[ThunderHorse]

Find ways to enjoy yourself, without her company.

Certaily you want your wife to spend more time with you, doing what you want to do. it is important to know what you want, and to let your wife know what it is that you want her to do for you.

If I do something by myself, I try to offer for my wife to come along. I keep ready for her rejecion, and avoid playing into an emotional projection of disappointment.

When I do things by myself, I find a way to nake things fun for myself. Sometimes I bring an imaginary friend.

The easiest person to change is myself. If my wife does not accept an invitaiton, I find a way to do what I want to do, by myself.


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[honestyy22]

After twenty years of marriage some people need to make sure the spark is still their, that could explain why she is playing the game of having you chase her around, she wants to know that you still care enough to not give up on her. However, her only wanting to be around you when there is something in it for her is not a good thing, it sounds selfish. A good thing to do would be to give her some space, you said you wanted to turn it around well maybe if you give her, her space then she will be chasing after you because now she’s not getting all the attention. If you do however give her some space and she does not come to you then maybe their is someone else in the picture because couples should want to spend time with each other not hate being around their presents. Another possible reason for her behavior is that she is starting to fall out of love with you or you guys are just different now and like my Psychology professor always says opposite do not attract they divorce. However if you feel you truly love her and wanna be with her and your sure she feels the same do not give up on something that makes you happy.

[kpmcmullen]

So you are having trouble with your wife, she only wants to go out and do the things she wants to do is that correct? She is being dominated character in your relationship? You have been places that she only likes? You don’t often get to the things you enjoy? Have you approached her about this issue? There are a few areas’ that can help this issue be turned equally.
The first step would be to approach her about the situation and your feelings. If this is your wife she should be eager to fix the conflict. Doing things that you are interested in is absolutely an important thing in a marriage. Dr. Misiurski talks about equity which is the condition in which the outcomes people receive form a relationship are proportional to what they contribute to it. Basically the more effort you put into you relationship the more will come of it. Why I bring this up is that from what it sounds your relationship is somewhat distant. If you’re saying that she is busy every time you offer to do something that you enjoy. Talk to her about equity and how she could contribute to the marriage.
Also try giving her space show her your dominance. Try saying no to some of the things she wants to do with you that you don’t enjoy. The more space you give her, if it is a true relationship, the more she will show attention towards you. She will in turn want to do more things with you that you enjoy.
Try reading Dr. Scott Haltzmans Secrets of Happily Married Men. There is an article in there that explains about knowing your wife. He talks about “how your wife and you see pretty much everything differently”. He is bascally saying the actions you see as normal she could see differently. He also explains about “making your marriage your job”. If your successful at your job try putting your focus and attention on doing this you both enjoy.
References: The secrets of happily married men, Scott haltzman M.D, mcgraw- 2006 by Jossey-Bass/Wiley.