My wife is unhappy….

My wife is unhappy….

Postby [email protected] » Mon Dec 05, 2011 10:15 pm

My wife and I have been married for two years. It has been really great up until the past six months. We have been arguing about stupid little things and the arguement always seems to end in her saying maybe we shouldn't have gotten married. I dont understand where this is coming from and I just want things to be the way they used to be. Any suggestions?
[email protected]
Posts: 1
Joined: Mon Dec 05, 2011 10:08 pm

Re: My wife is unhappy….

Postby Coolcats05 » Tue Dec 06, 2011 11:58 am

I am sorry to hear about your current situation. How long did you two date before you got married? You say you are arguing about stupid little things, like what? Also, what is your response when she says maybe we shouldn’t have gotten married?

Dr. Haltzman states that the choice to work on a relationship can lead to a more profound, meaningful, experience together. Also, he advises, “Have the attitude that this is the person you are going to spend the rest of your life with, so you must find a way to make it work instead of always looking for the back door.”

I suggest sharing Dr. Haltzman’s advice with your wife. Since you aren’t arguing over serious issues, this seems like something that would easily be solved with effective communication.
Posts: 3
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 7:38 pm

Re: My wife is unhappy….

Postby Lady_Tinkerbell » Tue Dec 06, 2011 6:33 pm

Hello there Tyler,
This issue struck a cord with me because I feel that I have been through a similar situation despite the fact that I have never been married. It seems as though you and your wife have hit a little bit of a rough patch but don’t worry just yet. I don’t detect anything to get too worried about as of now. Here are couple of questions: 1.) Have you spoken to your wife about how you feel the relationship has changed? 2.) If so, was she receptive to talking about the issue at hand? 3.) Are these arguments minor or miniscule?
I am currently in a Psychology class and my professor was just recently teaching us about communication. Communication is KEY in any kind of relationship. “ Good communication enhances satisfaction in relationships”. That is a quote from our class notes along with: “Communication with others is an essential aspect of our lives and has a large impact on our adjustment”. You’ve been married for two years now, believe it or not you are still adjusting to each other. There has to be a way for you and your wife to develop interpersonal communication patterns in which you are both comfortable enough to talk about different issues at hand so it doesn’t end up with her saying “maybe we shouldn’t have gotten married.”
My personal advice: If you are not comfortable confronting her face to face for fear of starting an argument simply write a letter or note expressing how you feel. Allow her to read it without you in the room and let her respond either with a letter/ note. Then discuss how the letters made you both feel. I’ve always felt writing down my thoughts first and then discussing them was a good way to “break the ice” for lack of a better phrase. If you try it, you may be pleasantly surprised by the outcome! Best of luck to you :D
Posts: 3
Joined: Tue Dec 06, 2011 5:40 pm

Re: My wife is unhappy….

Postby Hernandez89 » Mon Dec 02, 2013 8:00 pm

From my understanding it seems that you and your wife of two years are having frequent arguments, which lead to your wife saying hurtful things, such as “maybe we shouldn’t have gotten married.” If you don’t mind me asking, how long did you know your wife before you got married? Also did you live together prior to getting married?

I can see how his could cause an enormous about of unhappiness to a marriage. Most people assume that if there is conflict in a marriage there must be something wrong. The reality is, conflict is part of marriage. Dr. Haltzman says that in a marriage you must expect conflict and learn how to deal with it. Arguments are completely normal; learning how to deal with them is the hard part. Dr Haltzman also states that couples need to learn how to fight better. You do this by asking questions, reflecting back on what you heard, and trying not to be so defensive. Another form of advise that Dr. Haltzman gives to married couples is aim to please. Meaning that making you wife happy should be a priority.

I feel that the information I stated above relates to your case. You have a two-year marriage, which is fairly new. I just want you to know that the disagreements are going to happen its part of the relationship and its normal. What you do need to work on is how to deal with it in a way where it’s healthy for the marriage. Learning how to fight better and aiming to please her should bring you back to how things use to be.

Although I am not married I can relate to this through my personal experience. I am currently in a relationship and like any other relationship we have disagreements that turn into arguments. We are working on bettering ourselves as far as dealing with the problems and trying not to be so defensive as well as figuring out better ways to express our feelings without hurting one another. Maybe you and your wife can sit down and calmly talk about what things make the both of you upset. Write them down, this helps as a reminder. Make sure that you both understand that it is ok to disagree but avoid contempt, criticism, defensiveness and emotional withdrawal. When the heat builds up, don’t take off in a huff; loving humor and kind words help heal the rift. Those who maintain a good relationship learn to go into an argument slowly by avoiding accusations. Dr. Haltzan also says to try and determine what she needs and ask yourself: is there some way I can make this happen for her? Being a happily married husband means regularly and consistently demonstrating your love for your wife. I can say that it is a good thing that you are looking for advise and taking the right steps towards fixing the problem before it gets to the point where you can't control it.
Posts: 1
Joined: Tue Nov 19, 2013 12:25 pm

Return to Communication

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 7 guests