by Hernandez89 » Mon Dec 02, 2013 8:00 pm
From my understanding it seems that you and your wife of two years are having frequent arguments, which lead to your wife saying hurtful things, such as “maybe we shouldn’t have gotten married.” If you don’t mind me asking, how long did you know your wife before you got married? Also did you live together prior to getting married?
I can see how his could cause an enormous about of unhappiness to a marriage. Most people assume that if there is conflict in a marriage there must be something wrong. The reality is, conflict is part of marriage. Dr. Haltzman says that in a marriage you must expect conflict and learn how to deal with it. Arguments are completely normal; learning how to deal with them is the hard part. Dr Haltzman also states that couples need to learn how to fight better. You do this by asking questions, reflecting back on what you heard, and trying not to be so defensive. Another form of advise that Dr. Haltzman gives to married couples is aim to please. Meaning that making you wife happy should be a priority.
I feel that the information I stated above relates to your case. You have a two-year marriage, which is fairly new. I just want you to know that the disagreements are going to happen its part of the relationship and its normal. What you do need to work on is how to deal with it in a way where it’s healthy for the marriage. Learning how to fight better and aiming to please her should bring you back to how things use to be.
Although I am not married I can relate to this through my personal experience. I am currently in a relationship and like any other relationship we have disagreements that turn into arguments. We are working on bettering ourselves as far as dealing with the problems and trying not to be so defensive as well as figuring out better ways to express our feelings without hurting one another. Maybe you and your wife can sit down and calmly talk about what things make the both of you upset. Write them down, this helps as a reminder. Make sure that you both understand that it is ok to disagree but avoid contempt, criticism, defensiveness and emotional withdrawal. When the heat builds up, don’t take off in a huff; loving humor and kind words help heal the rift. Those who maintain a good relationship learn to go into an argument slowly by avoiding accusations. Dr. Haltzan also says to try and determine what she needs and ask yourself: is there some way I can make this happen for her? Being a happily married husband means regularly and consistently demonstrating your love for your wife. I can say that it is a good thing that you are looking for advise and taking the right steps towards fixing the problem before it gets to the point where you can't control it.